You can expect a wide range of emotions when you have lost someone who had influence in your life.  Don't feel like you should only expect feelings of love, for that is only one of the many emotions that come gurgling to the surface when someone you loved has died.

The labor of grieving and truly feeling the emotions surrounding the loss of a loved one is very complex and sometimes hard to understand. Many people judge others because they don't seem to be "doing it right."

The only loving advice I would give you is to be gentle with yourself. Expect to feel emotions in unexpected ways. You may have the urge to anesthetize feelings and drown the hurt with food, drugs, alcohol, work or being busy all the time. 

I would urge you to feel the feelings fully as they come up, because if you stuff them down, they will not go away. Indeed, they may resurface later when you least expect them.

• Fear, anxiety and panic
• Anger at the person who died, at medical personnel, at yourself or others  
• Depression or emotional flatness, with  a feeling of "Why bother" or "What's the use of trying." 
• Confusion and a reduced attention span  
• Numbness, shock and disbelief 
• Loneliness and isolation  
• Hunger for someone to really listen to your story
• Pain, both physical and emotional  
• Guilt and regrets. Lots of "if only…" 
• Emptiness and a missing part of you  
• Relief, which in many instances provides conflict in your mind 
• Replaying the scene over and over in your mind  
• Tired body but unable to sleep      

Death may happen in a moment, but feeling the emotions around that loss of a loved one will take time, lots of time.

How and what you feel is your right as an individual. If you would benefit from a support group of others who are Bereaved, I urge you to go. It was beneficial to me and to many others I have spoken to. It feels good to be surrounded by others who may not know exactly how and what you are going through, but they will be able to identify with your pain and suffering. The support and safety to share our feelings and emotions is invaluable as we move through this process.

My thoughts and hugs are with you.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: If you are looking for a special book on poems and writings for those who are grieving, I have found one at http://www.DoNotWeep.com  that I recommend. I also give this to friends who are mourning the loss of loved one, both human and animal.