When Death Is Near

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Hello dear friends throughout the world.

Today is Memorial Day in the United States and an opportunity for families, friends and neighbors to get together to socialize and share food.  The other order of the day is the sharing of stories of loved ones who are dead, but not forgotten.

Hello from
beautiful

Montana

:

People what
are nearing end of life have a deep desire to know their live has had meaning
and they have not lived in vain.  The greatest gift one can bestow on humanity
is to teach and share wisdom. This is a way to insure that while your body may
leave this earth, your words will linger.

Caregivers,family,
medical personnel and social support staff have an opportunity to help the ill
person to do a short life review. As a member of the Montana StoryKeepers, we
have done a number of end-of-life stories and have found great satisfaction and
joy from the storyteller as well as others.

Keep
It Short

It is a big
job to write a memoir or autobiography and may seem overwhelming to caregiver
and patient. So, make it clear that you just want to gather "little life
lessons" which will then be passed to others.

Ask
Very Specific Questions

1.   
Do you
remember your first day of school? How did you get there? What were you wearing?
Were your parents glad to see you go to school?

2.   
What is
your favorite breakfast?  How do you like your eggs cooked? 

3.   
 What was
the worst job you ever had? What did
you learn there?  

Ask
Open Ended Questions

This type
of question allows the person to reflect on past life and give advice for the
future. You offer incomplete sentences and allow the patient to complete
them.

1.   
The best
way to be a family is to_________________________________

2.   
In life I
feel people need to cherish
_______________________________  
 

  3.The one
thing I want people to remember about me is_____________________

 Remember to End on a
Happy Note                                                    
                                                                               
                                 Because you have taken the mind on a trip to the
past, there may be some sad or painful memories that have floated to the top.
 While this may be important for the patient to sort out, you don't want him or
her to dwell on unpleasant things.  Be sure that no matter how the conversation
went, bring them back to the present by making simple statements such as;   

1.You have
shared some great memories today, but I am ready for lunch. What sounds good to
you? 

2.   What are
you going to do for the rest of the day?  

3.   
what are you
looking forward to doing today?

Thanks for
being a caregiver and support system to those who need you. This will be some of
the most important work you will ever do.

Judy
H. Wright
aka
Auntie
Artichoke

Author, Parent Educator,International
Speaker/Trainer

For media contacts:  406-549-9813

Full listing of books & classes at www.ArtichokePress.com

Check out www.UseEncouragingWords.com  for
a FREE
eBook!!

Share your comments and suggestions at the
blogs:

Ask Auntie
Artichoke and
When Death Is
Near

Are you attracting an abundant life? Abundant Living
Legacy

Even though 10% or more of reported deaths are unexpected and traumatic, you are still blindsided when it happens to those you love and care about.  It is not something that one ever plans on and so are not only grieving emotionally, but have no idea on what to do in order to handle the practical aspects of death.

it is not helpful that medical and police personnel, trained to solve problems and find answers may seem very matter of fact or even uncaring.  They may announce to you that you must make "arrangements" or even question you or other members of the family.

The reality is that they are usually caring individuals or they would not have been drawn to that line of work.  However,in order to protect their own emotional energy, they make not take the time for personal or emotional responses to your pain.

Find an Advocate

The first thing to do is to ask for an advocate.  You need someone to help you make decisions and try to understand what is happening and what you need to do. It may be a daily occurrence for them, but when it happens to your loved one, you feel as though you are the only one in the world to experience such deep emotional pain.

If you have a faith community leader, or a dear friend or family member who will support, listen and assist you, call them to come to you. If even making that phone call seems overwhelming, ask an official to contact them for you. This is not a time to be alone.

Do Not Make Major Decisions

Be very careful about jumping into decisions without someone who can be a little more rational than you are  in situations of unexpected death.  You do not need elaborate flower arrangements or an expensive casket, which you may be sold by unscrupulous funeral homes.

It is natural and understandable to be in shock. it is a shocking circumstance.  Give yourself some time to adjust, absorb and act accordingly.

If Only..

In cases of unexpected and traumatic deaths, family and friends do not have the opportunity to say good-bye. Sudden infant death, suicide, homicide and accidents can leave everyone, but especially those who were close, feeling if only….

No matter how the death occurs, we often think somehow we could have done something more, better, more often etc.  It is a vicious circle in our minds as we try to make sense of what has happened.

The reality is that we all do the best we can and bad things happen to good people all the time.  It is not a judgment on them or on you. It just is.

Seek Bereavement or Grief Counseling

You may find that you need assistance in sorting out the emotions in your heart and mind.  These are extreme situations and bring out extreme emotions that need to be addressed before you can go on with your life.

It is our wish that you find a safe and loving harbor to share your feelings and concerns.  Unresolved grief and anger are at the root of much illness.  For your own good and the good of other survivors, take care of yourself as you seek healing through your grief.

With love and empathy,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today I took a walk in the Springtime. It was wonderful to see flowers blooming and leaves opening up on the trees.  So great to hear the birds singing again. Winters are long in Montana. Sometimes we despair of Spring and joy  ever coming again.

Much like those who are going through hard times and trouble in their lives. Perhaps you are in pain right now because you can't see a bright future ahead.  You may be discouraged and filled with anxiety.

We all Have Losses and Adversity

As I looked at the trees  in our yard today and heard a neighbor pruning the branches on his lilac bushes, I was struck by the metaphor of humans who lost something only to gain something greater.

Many times it is the times of trouble where we learn the most. Like the trees who are pruned to allow new growth, we come out of trouble and adversity different people than we were earlier.

Trees and People Grow Strong

Winter and trouble may make us sad. Spring and Renewal make us remember.  A time of trouble or overgrowth can be changed to a time of growth. May you recognize that you, too, will see Spring again.

With gratitude and love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello:

I re-found this poem recently and wanted to share it with you and keep it where I can find it again.

Gone from my sight.  That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
And she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming.
And other voices ready to take up the glad shout:
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

My thoughts and prayers are with you if you are grieving today.  It is a long road and it will take some time before your every thought is about your loved one.  Take your time to heal.

With love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: Please join our community of kind, supportive and thoughtful people at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PSS: I would also like to invite you to visit http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com  to see my latest book and the bonuses I am offering to my readers.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As I was posting in my main blog http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com  I realized that today was the death anniversary of a baby 37 years ago!

Time moves on, people come and go, but our hearts always remember.  She was a stillborn child and her spirit left on Christmas day in Honolulu, Hawaii where we were living at the time.

I felt her spirit leave and made the decision to carry the body for another 2 and half weeks until birth, rather than have a Cesarean operation. it was a very spiritually intensive time as well as pain filled.

Triggers to our memories

Sometimes it is a smell, event, person, food or mood that will trigger memories that bring everything rushing back to the middle of our thoughts and feelings.

It is okay and good to remember and rejoice that you had the opportunity to learn from your loved one, even if just for a short while.

Pet Loss book coming soon

Many of you may remember when I asked for stories of pets that had died.  Well, the book is being edited as we speak.  What a treasure it will be.  I will keep you posted.

One of the quotes I used in compiling the book of stories of those who are trying to deal with death of a pet  is:

Thank you for being my friend for always and always and always.

In Gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Be sure to pick up your free eBook on communication at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I would like to recommend a wonderful book that I give when someone is grieving. It is called Tear Soup-A Recipe For Healing After Loss.  This thoughtful and insightful message is written by a mother(Pat Schwiebert) and son(Chuck DeKlyen) and illustrated by a very talented artist nephew (Taylor Bills).

This book is $19.99 at your book store or Amazon and the ISBN is 0-9615197-6-2.

Even though it appears to be a  book written for children, it is much deeper than that. It teaches all of us that personal grieving is much like making a big batch of soup. There may be a basic recipe but we each adjust it to our own tastes, needs and process.

We often give flowers, or make a charitable contribution to show our respect for the deceased, but many forget to show tenderness to the bereaved.

This is a book to be cherished and re-read many times.  You will find yourself marveling in the illustrations and text that affirms your respect and acknowledgment of the grieving one.

No, I do not get a commission from the authors, but I should because I recommend it so much.

Until we meet again,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

When I meditate my life goes smoother. Many people have

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All these recurring news stories do is
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But if you’re like most
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Well, now, thanks to my
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Warm regards,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

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