When Death Is Near

A positive attitude and clear answers will help.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

What is death? What does Dead Mean?

These questions are some of the hardest for parents to answer, especially because most have not examined their own feelings,

emotions and believe systems around death and dying. Most of the parents I teach in parenting classes tell me that the only questions they

dread more are about sex!

(more…)

Hello from beautiful Montana;

Do children, adolescents, and young people experience loss differently than adults?  Do they mourn the loss of a pet the same way they would grieve the loss of a grandparent or sibling? Do they bounce back from a significant loss as easily as the adults around them previously thought?

What is Grief, Mourning and Bereavement?

Each social scientist and author have a different vocabulary when it comes to the emotions experienced with a significant loss.  Children, adolescents and adults also have names for the emotional  roller coaster they are on.

Feelings of loss and separation are a prominent part of most grief cycle.  It is very common to experience pain, sadness, anger, bewilderment and many other far reaching emotions.

In addition to the feelings that come in a wide range of reactions and in varying degrees of intensity during grief, the child may react out physically.

It is not unusual for many bereaved persons to experience confusion, inability to focus at school or home, lack of energy and wanting to sleep more than usual.  Other physical signs may be a lump in the throat, pain in the belly, headaches, upsetting dreams, getting in fights with friends or withdrawing from friends in general.

Loss and Grief

Children, Adolescents and young people do indeed grief the loss of pets, people, places and all other losses that they will encounter in their lives.  They need support, kindness and understanding as they process what has happened and what it will mean to them in their lives.

Need Kind and Loving Adults

Everyone who has ever suffered a loss looks for ways to understand what has happened and how it will impact them. Children and Adolescents may not have the skills to ask for assistance or help.  Older people may assume the children are coping, when they actually desperately need assurance and answers.

If you are in a position to share time listening to a child or adolescent who has gone through a loss, it will be a wonderful act of service.  You will have the opportunity to reassure them about life, loss and the importance of remembering with love.

Thank you for being a part of this community of kind, thoughtful people who want to work together to raise children to be respectful and understanding of all.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from Montana:

It seems there have been a lot of deaths of important people in the news lately, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawsett, Ed McMahan and others. We feel sadness for their families and friends However, the most important funeral, memorial and grave is the one of your own loved one.  If you have recently lost a friend, family member or close associate, I extend my deepest sympathy to you.

When I have been asked to speak at funerals and memorials, I often refer to this favorite poem. Perhaps it will bring you comfort or give you words to match your thoughts. It is often easier to use another person's words because they express what you want to say.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.

Do not stand at my grave and mourn.
I am the dew-flecked grass at dawn.
Where tranquil oceans meet the land
I am the footprints in the sand
To guide you through the weary day.
I am still here; I'll always stay.

When you wake up to morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

Original attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004)
Middle verse added by Lucie Storrs (1967-    )

It is a wonderful honor to be asked to share a eulogy of a loved one who has died. It is also very frightening to try to find the words and expressions which will bring comfort to the bereaved.
You can do it , I believe in you.

Would you like additional poems to comfort the grieving? Visit http://www.DoNotWeep.com  This is a wonderful collection of literature dealing with loss and death. If you choose to order it, you will be glad you did. I certainly was.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from
beautiful

Montana

:

People what
are nearing end of life have a deep desire to know their live has had meaning
and they have not lived in vain.  The greatest gift one can bestow on humanity
is to teach and share wisdom. This is a way to insure that while your body may
leave this earth, your words will linger.

Caregivers,family,
medical personnel and social support staff have an opportunity to help the ill
person to do a short life review. As a member of the Montana StoryKeepers, we
have done a number of end-of-life stories and have found great satisfaction and
joy from the storyteller as well as others.

Keep
It Short

It is a big
job to write a memoir or autobiography and may seem overwhelming to caregiver
and patient. So, make it clear that you just want to gather "little life
lessons" which will then be passed to others.

Ask
Very Specific Questions

1.   
Do you
remember your first day of school? How did you get there? What were you wearing?
Were your parents glad to see you go to school?

2.   
What is
your favorite breakfast?  How do you like your eggs cooked? 

3.   
 What was
the worst job you ever had? What did
you learn there?  

Ask
Open Ended Questions

This type
of question allows the person to reflect on past life and give advice for the
future. You offer incomplete sentences and allow the patient to complete
them.

1.   
The best
way to be a family is to_________________________________

2.   
In life I
feel people need to cherish
_______________________________  
 

  3.The one
thing I want people to remember about me is_____________________

 Remember to End on a
Happy Note                                                    
                                                                               
                                 Because you have taken the mind on a trip to the
past, there may be some sad or painful memories that have floated to the top.
 While this may be important for the patient to sort out, you don't want him or
her to dwell on unpleasant things.  Be sure that no matter how the conversation
went, bring them back to the present by making simple statements such as;   

1.You have
shared some great memories today, but I am ready for lunch. What sounds good to
you? 

2.   What are
you going to do for the rest of the day?  

3.   
what are you
looking forward to doing today?

Thanks for
being a caregiver and support system to those who need you. This will be some of
the most important work you will ever do.

Judy
H. Wright
aka
Auntie
Artichoke

Author, Parent Educator,International
Speaker/Trainer

For media contacts:  406-549-9813

Full listing of books & classes at www.ArtichokePress.com

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a FREE
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Artichoke and
When Death Is
Near

Are you attracting an abundant life? Abundant Living
Legacy

Hello:

I re-found this poem recently and wanted to share it with you and keep it where I can find it again.

Gone from my sight.  That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
And she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming.
And other voices ready to take up the glad shout:
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

My thoughts and prayers are with you if you are grieving today.  It is a long road and it will take some time before your every thought is about your loved one.  Take your time to heal.

With love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: Please join our community of kind, supportive and thoughtful people at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PSS: I would also like to invite you to visit http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com  to see my latest book and the bonuses I am offering to my readers.