When Death Is Near

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I have just received a call about the sudden death of an nephew who was estranged from the family(by his choice). He was smart, talented and only 37 years old.  Of course, he had problems, everyone has problems.

A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

As a lawyer, he had lost a case or two.  As a husband, he was in the middle of a divorce. As a son, he was drinking too much.  As a nephew, he was somebody else's main thought, not mine.

Suicide marks the end of a battle with internal pain, but the beginning of life long grieving and sorrow for those who are left behind with unanswered questions. 

Perhaps the hardest part of grieving that survivors face is that of powerlessness and a big helping of what if……  We would have helped, had we been asked.  We would have supported, sustained and offered advice had it been within our power.

Suicide Brings Guilt and Regret

As mere mortals, we will be saying goodbye for the rest of our lifetime.  We will lose jobs, friends, family, pets, car keys, houses, our abilities, and finally our own life. Many assume that guilt-regret is one word and with one description; "I'm a rotten person.  If only: I woulda, coulda and shoulda.  Why didn't I…..?"

There is a distinction between the words guilt and regret.  Understanding that difference can make it easier to overcome the negative connotations and process the authentic emotions.  Guilt is a deed that has been done for which you are sorry.  Regret is something you wished you wold have done, but did not.

The problem with guilt-regret being lumped into one word or negative emotion is that they feed each other.  When excess regret is lumped in with guilt, it makes grief last much longer and gives it a power and size in our hearts and minds that is harder to process and let go.

We Have No Power Over Others

We must come face to face with the reality that we have no power over other people's lives.  We can influence, give information, offer guidance and suggestions, but we have no power to force anyone to do what we want.

No matter how closely we are connected, it is the choice of the individual to end a life.  While we all must bear a responsibility for trying to offer help, the individual has freedom to make their own decisions. 

Grieve Loss of Relationship

I am so sorry that my nephew made this final decision.  Things do get better in life.  There is always a new way, a new day and another chance for happiness.

If you are sad, depressed or thinking of ending your life, please don't make that choice. Write or call me and perhaps I can offer you a link to a better tomorrow.  I care about you and the other members of this community. 

We Are All as One

with the hand of love and friendship,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PS: Connect with me on Twitter   http://www.Twitter.com/judyhwright