The death of a family pet may be the most traumatic loss your children face.  Young children develop very strong and deep feelings about the animals in their lives.  They may think of them as siblings, companions, playmates and protectors.

A few years ago, I was writing an article on resilient children called "Be A Bounce Back KId."  as part of the research I interviewed a dozen 5th grade and younger children about what they did to bounce back from a disappointment or a particularly bad time in their lives.

I was very surprised to find that the number one comfort for the kids was pets and animals. Those who had live pets in their lives or neighborhood would go to them for comfort and companionship.  Those that did not have live pets, had a stuffed animal which represented comfort for them.

Many expressed the belief that the animals loved them unconditionally.  It did not matter if they got a D in school or wasn't chosen for the school play.  Their dog was happy to see them anyway. Laughing and playing with the pet helped them to bounce back from the bad day.

Even seemingly well adjusted adults grieve over the death of their best friend and pet. It then stands to reason, that children will have questions, concerns and worries over the death process and what happens afterward.

Parents need to be effective listeners to the questions the children may ask as well as the unspoken concerns the child may not bring up in conversation. It is wise to be ready to explain what has happened to the animal, offer information and be careful not to project our own emotional bias on the situation.

• Was it my fault for not feeding him last week?
• Will he come back? 
• Where did he go? 
• Where is he right now (May want to see the body or find out where it is) 
• If I get sick, will you have the doctor give me a shot to make me die?  
• What if I go to sleep and don't wake up? 
• What if I forget him?   
• Why did God want him, he was our dog. 

 

Our tendency is to try to protect small children from the harsh realities of life.  However, by not acknowledging our own mourning and sadness, the child may feel less inclined to share his concerns. 

children look to us for guidance in word as well as actions.  If they are old enough to reason, then they can sense there is something wrong and they are being left out of the conversations about topics that concern them.

The death of a pet to children matters a great deal in their young life.  How this is handled now will remain with the child for the rest of his life.

A child's ability to cope is very much dependent on the adults around him. I encourage honest and open communication as well an opportunity to share feelings, fear and concerns without judgment. This will assist them in not only dealing with the death of their pet, but other disappointments in their lives.

Good luck in this important endeavor,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: If you would like assistance in being more resilient, check out the affordable and effective eBook "Living a Balanced Life" in the on-line store at http://www.ArtichokePress.com