Grief Work is Hard Work – Take Time To Heal

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:19:50 +0000

Hello from Montana:

Most people get very nostalgic because their minds and

Bereavement and Grief are hard work. Be clear in setting boundaries and what you need from others. give yourself time to heal from loss.

hearts are triggered by sights, sounds, smells and events. Smelling of pine trees reminds them of the Christmas when Grandpa brought the tree. It is true that grief work is hard work and it takes much energy, emotion and time.

Take Time To Heal

No matter when or how our loss happened, we will still remember and reflect on the person who is no longer in our physical world. It is important to allow yourself to be human and to recognize sometimes you are too overwhelmed with sad emotions to meet the expectations of others.

When you are working through grief and it is hard work, you need to plan ahead as much as possible. By setting boundaries and establishing limits, you will not be constantly bombarded with requests and demands.

Set Boundaries In Clear, Calm Voice

Most people (even Uncle George if told often enough) will accept a yes or no when asked to participate. When you falter or are wishy washy with a request by saying “I will try, but I can’t promise” or “Maybe…we will see” that causes confusion.

If you are asked to contribute a pie because you always contribute a pie, then say “This year I am spending my energy close to home. Please ask someone else to bring a pie.” Or, “I am guarding my energy this year, so I can give you money to purchase one, but don’t want the worry of making one. Maybe next year.”

Give Yourself Gift of Self-Care

Just as you need to be clear about what you can contribute to others this year, you also need to be clear about what you need and want from them. If you need phones calls or meeting for lunch or your sidewalk shoveled, then say so.

No one can really read minds, so be very clear and calm in asking for what you need. I remember calling a friend after the death of her husband and I said, like I have a million other times; “What can I do to help you?” She didn’t miss a beat, but said; “I would like to have my windows washed, it would make the world seem brighter.”

While I was washing the windows, I was impressed again and again at how clear and concise her request was. She knew that people would ask to help and she knew just what would make her feel better.

Grief is hard work and takes time to heal, but the time is easier when you have companions and support along the way.

I have confidence in your ability to be find ways and means to heal yourself.

In support and love,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Feelings and Emotions Around Loss of Loved One

admin — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:15:15 +0000

Loss of a Loved One is Devastating Blow

You can expect a wide range of emotions when you have lost someone who had influence in your life. Don't feel like you should only expect feelings of love, for that is only one of the many emotions that come gurgling to the surface when someone you loved has died.

The labor of grieving and truly feeling the emotions surrounding the loss of a loved one is very complex and sometimes hard to understand. Many people judge others because they don't seem to be "doing it right."

No One Way to Grieve or to Feel

The only loving advice I would give you is to be gentle with yourself. Expect to feel emotions in unexpected ways. You may have the urge to anesthetize feelings and drown the hurt with food, drugs, alcohol, work or being busy all the time.

I would urge you to feel the feelings fully as they come up, because if you stuff them down, they will not go away. Indeed, they may resurface later when you least expect them.

Feelings You May Experience

Fear, anxiety and panic
Anger at the person who died, at medical personnel, at yourself or others
Depression or emotional flatness, with a feeling of "Why bother" or "What's the use of trying."
Confusion and a reduced attention span
Numbness, shock and disbelief
Loneliness and isolation
Hunger for someone to really listen to your story
Pain, both physical and emotional
Guilt and regrets. Lots of "if only…"
Emptiness and a missing part of you
Relief, which in many instances provides conflict in your mind
Replaying the scene over and over in your mind
Tired body but unable to sleep

Death may happen in a moment, but feeling the emotions around that loss of a loved one will take time, lots of time.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Way You Feel

How and what you feel is your right as an individual. If you would benefit from a support group of others who are Bereaved, I urge you to go. It was beneficial to me and to many others I have spoken to. It feels good to be surrounded by others who may not know exactly how and what you are going through, but they will be able to identify with your pain and suffering. The support and safety to share our feelings and emotions is invaluable as we move through this process.

My thoughts and hugs are with you.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PS: If you are looking for a special book on poems and writings for those who are grieving, I have found one at http://www.DoNotWeep.com that I recommend. I also give this to friends who are mourning the loss of loved one, both human and animal.

When Death Is Near » bereaved and sad

Grief Work is Hard Work – Take Time To Heal

Feelings and Emotions Around Loss of Loved One