When Death Is Near » Auntie Artichoke http://www.ifdeathisnear.com Just another WordPress weblog Tue, 16 Mar 2010 18:25:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Young Adults and Teens Deal With Death of a Pet http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2009/11/young-adults-and-teens-deal-with-death-of-a-pet/ http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2009/11/young-adults-and-teens-deal-with-death-of-a-pet/#comments Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:07:29 +0000 admin http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/?p=79 Young Adults Who Lose a Pet

Teens and “Tweens” are always dealing with zig-zagging emotions. The beloved pet may have offered friendship when all other relationships were changing.
The loss of a pet to this age group can be particularly hard.  The Pet may have been a source of unconditional love and companionship during childhood. Many young people look at their pet as an anchor of childhood; always loving, forgiving and loyal.

Support of Friends and Family

Family members need to give approval for tears, sadness and acknowledge that it may take quite a bit of time for the stages of grief to pass.Peer acceptance of expressing feelings can make the transition easier.  If the friends downplay the sorrow, the adolescent may bury the hurt feelings and questions in his heart, and not feel safe sharing them.
Remember this is the time in life when young adults are trying to find their own true feelings and discover who and what they are as individuals.  They may want your understanding, guidance and reassurance, but may use conflict to deflect the opportunities to share.
Encourage Teens To Share Feelings
In our family, we have found the best conversations take place late at night, when the lights are dim and there is pizza to share.  Teens and young adults open up their sore places in their hearts when you aren’t eye-ball to eye-ball and busy with a million other things.
I encourage you to take the time in a relaxed setting to connect with your children about how to deal with the loss of their pet.  How this is handled now, will remain with them for the rest of their life and will have an influence on how they approach death of other loved ones later in life.
Please check out my latest book “I Lost My Best Friend Today – Healing from Loss of a Pet” You will be so glad you did.  It contains a collection of stories and photos of others who have lost their pets.
In support,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and motivational speaker
]]> http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2009/11/young-adults-and-teens-deal-with-death-of-a-pet/feed/ 0 Feelings and Emotions Around Loss of Loved One http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2009/06/feelings-and-emotions-around-loss-of-loved-one/ http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2009/06/feelings-and-emotions-around-loss-of-loved-one/#comments Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:15:15 +0000 admin http://ifdeathisnear.com/?p=8
Loss of a Loved One is Devastating Blow

You can expect a wide range of emotions when you have lost someone who had influence in your life.  Don't feel like you should only expect feelings of love, for that is only one of the many emotions that come gurgling to the surface when someone you loved has died.

The labor of grieving and truly feeling the emotions surrounding the loss of a loved one is very complex and sometimes hard to understand. Many people judge others because they don't seem to be "doing it right."

No One Way to Grieve or to Feel

The only loving advice I would give you is to be gentle with yourself. Expect to feel emotions in unexpected ways. You may have the urge to anesthetize feelings and drown the hurt with food, drugs, alcohol, work or being busy all the time. 

I would urge you to feel the feelings fully as they come up, because if you stuff them down, they will not go away. Indeed, they may resurface later when you least expect them.

Feelings You May Experience

  • Fear, anxiety and panic
  • Anger at the person who died, at medical personnel, at yourself or others  
  • Depression or emotional flatness, with  a feeling of "Why bother" or "What's the use of trying." 
  • Confusion and a reduced attention span  
  • Numbness, shock and disbelief 
  • Loneliness and isolation  
  • Hunger for someone to really listen to your story
  • Pain, both physical and emotional  
  • Guilt and regrets. Lots of "if only…" 
  • Emptiness and a missing part of you  
  • Relief, which in many instances provides conflict in your mind 
  • Replaying the scene over and over in your mind  
  • Tired body but unable to sleep      

Death may happen in a moment, but feeling the emotions around that loss of a loved one will take time, lots of time.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Way You Feel 

How and what you feel is your right as an individual. If you would benefit from a support group of others who are Bereaved, I urge you to go. It was beneficial to me and to many others I have spoken to. It feels good to be surrounded by others who may not know exactly how and what you are going through, but they will be able to identify with your pain and suffering. The support and safety to share our feelings and emotions is invaluable as we move through this process.

My thoughts and hugs are with you.

In gratitude,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

PS: If you are looking for a special book on poems and writings for those who are grieving, I have found one at http://www.DoNotWeep.com  that I recommend. I also give this to friends who are mourning the loss of loved one, both human and animal.
]]> http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2009/06/feelings-and-emotions-around-loss-of-loved-one/feed/ 0 Long Term Grief-Not Get Over but Get Different http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2008/08/long-term-grief-not-get-over-but-get-different/ http://www.ifdeathisnear.com/2008/08/long-term-grief-not-get-over-but-get-different/#comments Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:57:17 +0000 admin http://ifdeathisnear.com/?p=26 Hello from beautiful Montana:

Have you ever heard someone say that in retrospect a tragedy was the best thing that ever happened to them?  You just shake your head and wonder what they are talking about. How can the bad be good?

Get Over Your Grief

For someone who has recently lost a loved one, the future is confusing, frightening and very vague.  They are not sure who they are now that they are no longer the caregiver, wife, daughter or whoever they had labeled themselves through the years.

One never gets over the loss, but they get better at defining who they are and what they are capable of. Many people assume that once a year has past, the pain will have lessened and they will be “all better.”

But sometimes it is the shock of losing someone through death, illness or divorce that forces us to look inside and decide to change the direction of our lives.  Who and what we were will never be the same again. Of course, we grieve about what might have been and recognize the future will be not be one containing the lost loved one..

Get  a Different Perspective

One of the most difficult aspects of long term bereavement  is to know that life will never be the same nor will we.  As time goes on, however, we begin to see the future with new eyes and recognize that we are survivors and can build a new life that maintains the memories of the past and builds on new experiences.

Michael J. Fox writes Lucky Man

I recently picked up a bunch of books at the Thrift Shop to read in the car on a trip.  One surprisingly excellent one was Michael J. Fox’s memoir of finding how Parkinson’s Disease had made a difference in his life.

I quote a paragraph:

    “I am no longer the person described in the first few pages of this chapter, and I am forever grateful for that.  I would never want to go back to that life-a sheltered, narrow existence fueled by fear and made livable by insulation, isolation, and self-indulgence.  it was a life lived in a bubble-but bubbles, being the most fragile constructions, are easily destroyed.  All it takes is a little finger.”

You Are Stronger Than You Think

I have confidence in your ability to endure this grief and to come out on the other end a different but better person  You  have much to share with the world and you will be guided how to present that message to others.

I would like to invite you to check out the  Thursday teleclasses and radio shows  listed on http://www.ArtichokePress.com  They are free and you will feel they have been designed just for you.  And they have been.

Love, Judy H. Wright

PS:  Are you on the social network FaceBook or Twitter?  Please add me as a friend.

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