When Death Is Near

Comfort care
means COMFORT, not cure. Our scientific and medical cultures are
trained and geared toward cure, treatment, and results. It is often
difficult to move from this modality into comfort care only.

Such
things as lab work, blood sugar reading, monitors, antibiotics,
artificial nutrition, food and water, meds, continued chemotherapy,
insulin and other result and data gathering procedures may need to be
questioned as the dying process progresses. We must ask what will truly
comfort the dying person, both physically and emotionally and let this
guide our actions.

Caring, nurturing and comfort can most often
be accomplished without medical procedures or even food and water in
most instances. However, if these things comfort a dying loved one it
may be beneficial to continue them. Check frequently with the person
for any desire for change or requests to discontinue any of these
measures.

Some hospitals and nursing homes have comfort care
units. Even in these units families and caregivers are encouraged to
continue to ask what will truly be of comfort. We encourage families
and care givers to continue acting as advocates for their loved one, to
ensure that their needs and wishes are being met and respected.

—–
This
information is from a new book by Judy H. Wright and Jane Franz on the
loss of a loved one. Watch the website and blog for more information.
We welcome your input and comments.

As you and your loved one move into and through this
time it may be helpful to better understand some of the psychological
stages that may be experienced.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
describes the “stages of dying” in detail in her book, On Death and
Dying. They can be briefly summarized as follows:

1. Denial – "No, not me." This is a typical reaction when a patient learns that he or she is terminally ill.

4. Depression -
"Yes, me." First, the person mourns past losses, things not done,
wrongs committed. But then he or she enters a state of "preparatory
grief," getting ready for the arrival of death. The patient grows
quiet, doesn't want visitors. "When a dying patient doesn't want to see
you any more," says Doctor Ross, "this is a sign he or she has finished
his unfinished business with you, and it is a blessing. He or she can
now let go peacefully."

5. Acceptance
- "My time is very close now and it's all right." Doctor Ross describes
this final stage as "not a happy stage, but neither is it unhappy.

These
stages provide a very useful guide to understanding the different
phases that dying patients may go through. They are not absolute; not
everyone goes through every stage. Nor does every person go through
them in this exact sequence or at a predictable pace. However, knowing
that these stages exist can be a valuable tool in understanding why
your loved one may behave in certain ways.

Holidays are very emotional and bring up all sorts of feelings. Mingled
in with the joy of seeing small children's eyes light up, are the sad
and hurtful memories of lost ones. We miss them and wish they were back
in our lives.

Everyone feels blue at times and it is "episodic" or once in a while. When to be concerned is when it turns into a "chronic" or ongoing feeling of despair.

Our family has a history of depression and so we must be on the alert if the emotions are in a downward spiral.
If the saddness lasts more than a couple of weeks without experiencing
happy times, then we know to use methods that have worked in the past.

• Sunshine or a light box
• Journaling our blessings
• Talking to family members or friends and listening to their rational advice
• Excercise, even walking gets the blood moving and the blues running
• See a councelour, who has been effective in the past
• See a physician for medical assistance to jump start the journey back.

Good luck and God bless. This is a stressful time and you will make it. I believe in you.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke