Those
who have open hearts and giving spirits tend to reach out to others in
a caring way. They have an instinctive response when they see another
person or animal who seems to be suffering or in need.

In my
work as a trainer and educator, I have the privilege of working with
two groups of these caring and helpful angels: those who work with
children and those who work with the elderly. Frequently they are
underpaid and certainly misunderstood by those who don’t recognize what
value they add to our world.

It is their ability to help others
who are vulnerable that indicates their true nature of natural
compassion. They notice the signals of struggle, both verbal and non
verbal and respond with kindness. Those with natural compassion help
wherever and whenever it is needed by their charges: cutting the meat,
going to the bathroom, putting on a jacket.

Helping others is so automatic to them that they see with eyes of mercy and empathy. Caring and compassion are reflexes.

If
you are in a position to say thank you to a teacher, parent or CNA at a
nursing home, please do so. They may have developed compassion as a
habit, but the rest of the world who sometimes hesitate before helping
others, should not take their actions for granted.

Rather, we should emulate and follow their example.

As
we all work on becoming better people tomorrow than we are today, we
can use assistance. If you are interested in learning more about the
power of encouragement, receive a free eBook by clicking on http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com.  This book was written by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the
storytelling trainer who conducts workshops on mutual respect and
kindness.

To join her teleclass series or see the other books and
articles available see http://wwwArtichokePress.com Join us at we find the heart of the story in the journey of life.

Hearing is the last sense
to go. Elicit the cooperation of others in making the passage a sacred
event, by verbally sharing happy memories and stories. Focus the sounds
of voices on making gentle conversation. There might be soft background
music but turn off the TV or radio. Do not expect a response from the
dying because their limited energy is involved in important work.

Acknowledge
the positive aspects of your loved one’s legacy. Take turns listing the
gifts and lessons the dying person has given to you and to the world.
This is a time to reassure them that they will not be forgotten and
that his or her life had value.

Celebrate and acknowledge the
special times, talents, and teachings you have shared. Search your
memory for good times, but don’t look for the major moments, rather the
small, insignificant at the time moments, that you remember. This is a
final acknowledgment of the gifts that the dying has given the living
and neither the gift nor the person will be forgotten. Use this time to
express gratitude and reassurance that these legacies will live on for
generations.

Sharing Memories

Examples of the type of memory you might recall include:

“I
will always remember the time you brought me red licorice and a milk
shake when I had a sore throat. You bit the ends off the licorice so I
could use it as a straw. It may have been hard for you to say ‘I love
you’ but your actions that day really showed me that you cared.”

“Thank
you for your vast knowledge of the stars at night. The grandkids will
never look at the Milky Way without thinking of you. They will share
the stories of the night sky with their children and grandchildren.”

“You
always loved a good cup of coffee in the morning. I will lift my cup to
you every morning and remember how much I loved you.”

My mother
told me just before dying, that my words put pictures in her mind. She
said “It is like you are putting a video in my brain that I can watch
and forget the pain.”

Make it your intention to comfort and
support the dying person with love, stories and reassurance. If you can
be willing and open to saying goodbye and good wishes as your loved one
leaves on their last earthly journey, you will both be blessed and
rewarded.

Do you have stories about the transition of life? Please share them with us by commenting on this blog.  We want to build a community of kindred spirits who have faced the loss
of a loved one and are willing to give hope and encouragment to others.

Judy
and her friend, Jane Franz, a music thanalogist, are co-authoring a
book of the same name. Publication date will be announced on this
blog.

Can you see Julie Andrews on the Mountain side raising her arms and her voice as she encouraged the Von Trapp family to keep going in the face of adversity.

It really doesn't matter how well you can sing or even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket!  The very act of expressing yourself with music, song and deep breaths will lift your spirit.

Think of Julie Andrews lifting the corners of her apron as she danced and sang.

Now you do it. Come on. Dance around like a fool and sing at the top of your lungs.Don't you feel lighter letting some of those emotions float out of your body and into the universe?

Are you smiling?  See it worked.

You can't hold a sad thought and smile at the same time.Doesn't it feel good to feel good for even a few minutes?

I'm smiling with you, not at you.

Love,

Judy H. Wright

PS:  Don't forget to check out http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com  for the free eBook I created just for you.

PSS: You will also want to see http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com  for the parenting and relationship blog.

PSSS: Leave a comment.  We would love to have a conversation about some of the posts.

I have just received a call about the sudden death of an nephew who was estranged from the family(by his choice). He was smart, talented and only 37 years old.  Of course, he had problems, everyone has problems.

A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

As a lawyer, he had lost a case or two.  As a husband, he was in the middle of a divorce. As a son, he was drinking too much.  As a nephew, he was somebody else's main thought, not mine.

Suicide marks the end of a battle with internal pain, but the beginning of life long grieving and sorrow for those who are left behind with unanswered questions. 

Perhaps the hardest part of grieving that survivors face is that of powerlessness and a big helping of what if……  We would have helped, had we been asked.  We would have supported, sustained and offered advice had it been within our power.

Suicide Brings Guilt and Regret

As mere mortals, we will be saying goodbye for the rest of our lifetime.  We will lose jobs, friends, family, pets, car keys, houses, our abilities, and finally our own life. Many assume that guilt-regret is one word and with one description; "I'm a rotten person.  If only: I woulda, coulda and shoulda.  Why didn't I…..?"

There is a distinction between the words guilt and regret.  Understanding that difference can make it easier to overcome the negative connotations and process the authentic emotions.  Guilt is a deed that has been done for which you are sorry.  Regret is something you wished you wold have done, but did not.

The problem with guilt-regret being lumped into one word or negative emotion is that they feed each other.  When excess regret is lumped in with guilt, it makes grief last much longer and gives it a power and size in our hearts and minds that is harder to process and let go.

We Have No Power Over Others

We must come face to face with the reality that we have no power over other people's lives.  We can influence, give information, offer guidance and suggestions, but we have no power to force anyone to do what we want.

No matter how closely we are connected, it is the choice of the individual to end a life.  While we all must bear a responsibility for trying to offer help, the individual has freedom to make their own decisions. 

Grieve Loss of Relationship

I am so sorry that my nephew made this final decision.  Things do get better in life.  There is always a new way, a new day and another chance for happiness.

If you are sad, depressed or thinking of ending your life, please don't make that choice. Write or call me and perhaps I can offer you a link to a better tomorrow.  I care about you and the other members of this community. 

We Are All as One

with the hand of love and friendship,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PS: Connect with me on Twitter   http://www.Twitter.com/judyhwright

Have you ever lost a job, spouse, child, parent, sibling, beloved pet, best
friend or your self confidence?

Do you feel alone and vulnerable, especially
around the holidays or anniversary date?

Does it seem that everyone else has "it altogether" and your life
is falling apart?

Are the Holidays with all the social activities especially
hard for you?

Click here to hear my personal invitation…

If you are looking for support without judgment, will you come with a small
group of kind people to a once a week phone meeting? 

This group will meet over the phone and replays of the sessions and handouts will be available to all members.

The sessions will take
place each Thursday  leading up to Thanksgiving and then the week after
for a check in.

We will have a time for Q and A, as well as a private coaching session with
me.

Please look at the website to see all the benefits of participation. You will be glad you did.

We want you to be
a part of this small select group.  You can choose how much you want to
participate or share.

http://artichokepress.com/teleseminars/Healing_Journey.htm

Please take a moment
and check this out.  If not for you, then perhaps as a gift for
someone you love.

In Gratitude and love,

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright

PS.  I hope that you will join us.  I guarantee you will discover
new ways to lessen your pain and be better able to enjoy the coming holiday
season.

http://artichokepress.com/teleseminars/Healing_Journey.htm

If you or a loved one is coping with a terminal illness my love and support go out to you.  This is some of the hardest work in the world-so much to do, people to call, questions to get answered and so little energy  to do it all.

Please go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuntieArtichoke  for the 15 minute show I did this morning on this subject.  Perhaps it will give you insights and hope.

My advice to you as a Hospice volunteer for gathering Final Gifts, life stories, is to treasure the moments of living while coping with the losses that are ahead.  Live fully as best you can until you are no longer in this plane of existence, but have continued your journey.

This can be a time of great personal growth and satisfaction.  Remember the 5 most important things from my friend Dr. Ira Byock's book Dying Well;

1. Forgive me
2. I forgive you
3. Thank you
4. I love you
5. Goodby

I will be doing an intensive 4 week teleclass on Grieving starting on Thursday November 6.  All sessions will be recorded so you will be able to replay it later should you have to miss that one.

This is designed to get you or your loved ones through the holidays.  We will provide support, love and guidance to strengthen and sustain you.  It will cost you $147.00 and return to you priceless peace and support.

If you are interested, please write to me at Judy@ArtichokePress.com and I will send you the information.

Peace be with you,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
www.ArtichokePress.com

As a parent educator, I
encourage parents who did not receive great relationship training in their
youth to look to animals as mentors.  If
more parents would greet their children at the door with love and acceptance in
their eyes, whole being expressing eagerness to be touched, patted and played
with, family relationships would grow to a new level.

A pet’s non verbal
language is unconditional love and forgiveness. 
Their love is not dependent on grades, promotions, or soccer
scores.  Even if you were grouchy
yesterday, they forgive easily.

They are loyal, funny,
kind, and irreverent like you wish you could be in public, trusting, reliable,
dependable, and love to play games, easily satisfied and great listeners. They
never share your secrets or judge you. 
They tolerate your idiosyncrasies and put up with your moods.  All in all, they are great friends and
companions.

We form interdependent
relationships with our pets.  They may
depend on us for food, lodging, occasional hug or trip to the vet.  But we depend on them to be our best friends.

No wonder we miss them
when they are gone.

I am enjoying writing a new ebook called Death of My Pet, which will be released in the near future.

It is a compilation of stories from people who have lost their pets and the impact it had on their lives. Be sure to sign up to receive the Artichoke- our ezine and you will be notified when it is ready.  You will love reading it.  It has really been a humbling experience to write it.

May your day be filled with joy and abundance.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the story telling trainer.  Http://www.ArtichokePress.com and http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

Don’t forget, you are always invited to a free teleclass every Thursday on some aspect of family relationships.  Sign up on the website.

I am going to share a few of the incredible stories that have come in for the new eBook I am writing.  You will enjoy hearing how others have coped with loss.

Sandy, one of the many contributors, wanted
to share this sweet story.

The Meaning of Life

Being a veterinarian, I had been called
to examine a ten year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s Owners, Ron,
his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker
and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was
dying of cancer.

 I told the family.  We couldn’t do anything for Belker, and
offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As
we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for
the four year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane
might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch
in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting
the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going
on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed
to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat
together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact
that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly,
piped up, “I know why.” Startled, we all turned to him. What came out
of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He
said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life  - like loving everybody all the time and
being nice, right?”

The four year old continued, “Well, dogs already
know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Author Unknown

If you would like to learn how to communicate more effectively both verbally and verbally, please accept my gift of a free eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com  and remember to join our free teleclass each Thursday.  Sign up at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

I want to share another wonderful submission that came in for the Death of My Pet, which will be done soon (I hope)

The stories have so humbled me and touched my soul.

Miracles happen when people open their hearts to share their deepest feelings.  Read on.

There once was a girl who couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk and couldn’t even feed herself. She couldn’t move at all–except to smile. And she smiled about everything! She smiled when her sister brushed her long, brown hair, she smiled when her father pushed her along a bumpy, gravel path, and she smiled when her mother drove her around in the red convertible with the top down. She even smiled when she had her hair cut short so it could be donated to a sick girl who had lost her own. In fact, she smiled so much her teacher gave her a “Best Smiling” award at school.

The girl’s name was Elizabeth and she had cerebral palsy—her muscles just didn’t work.  Everyone liked her because she never said anything unkind, yet no one knew what she was really thinking. She was mysterious! But sometimes Elizabeth wished that she wasn’t so mysterious, that she had a true companion–one who could understand her, or at least sit beside her on the couch to keep her company.

Then one day, Elizabeth’s mother called an animal shelter and told the keeper, “I have a daughter who can’t play with a frisky dog. I would like an older, lazy one who wants to lie on the couch all day. Do you have one like that?”

“Ma’am, I not only have a couch potato here, but he’s the whole sack of potatoes!” The dog’s name was Riley. His owner had left him there because he couldn’t take care of him anymore.

Elizabeth’s mother brought him home and patted the couch, letting him know he could jump up on it next to Elizabeth. So he did just that.

Riley was big and hairy. Even though he was only five years old, he weighed 100 pounds. Even though Elizabeth was 11, she weighed only 40! Riley looked like a clumsy old black bear next to Elizabeth, but he was gentle. He knew how to jump on the couch and find a spot without stepping on her.

Although Elizabeth and Riley were very different on the outside, they seemed to be alike on the inside–they both loved to sit on the couch and watch cartoons. The only problem was that neither one could talk, or operate the remote control, so they had to wait for Elizabeth’s family to change the channels.

Riley would curl up next to Elizabeth for hours, and never leave her to do silly things like wash the dishes as her mother did. He didn’t leave her to mow the lawn or do homework. And Riley was happy that Elizabeth
didn’t run away from his bad breath. When Riley panted “Hello” in people’s faces, everyone turned away and said, “Yuk,” but not Elizabeth. She wasn’t afraid of his doggy smells. She smiled when his hot breath hit her nose.

But Elizabeth was afraid of the cold–she couldn’t keep herself warm like other children who could jump up and down or ask for a blanket. Since Riley had two coats of fur, one short and thick, one longer and shaggy, he wasn’t afraid of the cold at all. One day, the temperature dropped slightly and Elizabeth’s little feet began to turn purple. Riley understood what was happening. Without being told what to do, he carefully laid across them. His weight and warmth made Elizabeth feel so good she smiled. Riley was glad–he not only had a couch, but he had someone who needed him. And Elizabeth’s family was happy too—she finally had a companion who understood her.

Elizabeth and Riley grew older together on the couch for several years. Then one day, Elizabeth
passed away. Riley was never truly happy after that and he passed away a year later. His ashes were spread over Elizabeth’s grave—now they are forever keeping each other company.

End Note: Elizabeth’s disabilities were caused by congenital cytomegalovirus (CMV)–the #1 viral cause of birth defects–more common than Down syndrome. Women of child-bearing age need to learn how to avoid it during pregnancy. Please see my Web site at www.authorlisasaunders.com to read more about Elizabeth and CMV prevention, or visit http://www.cdc.gov/cmv/. My soon to be released book, ANYTHING BUT A DOG!, is the comedy and tragedy of life with Elizabeth and her dog Riley.

Once again, I would like to share a few of the remarkable stories that have been contributed for the upcoming eBook  Death of My Pet.  I am humbled  by the stories and the people who are willing to share their sorrow in support of others.

Be sure to keep checking at http://www.ArtichokePress.com for the launch of the eBook.

“The last pet I lost was the dog of my heart. From the time he was 9 years old he had chronic relapsing pancreatitis. He had an enlarged heart as he grew older, and mitral valve disease. A Yorkshire Terrier, he also had a collapsing trachea. And, lest I forget, irritable bowel syndrome.  He was, to the AKC, Ch. Cap’n Ebenezer of . But he was always my Neezie.

He was nearly 17 when I had no choice but to put him down. He told me it was time.  I gave him the last gift I could — release.  I held him in my arms in a darkened room at my veterinarian’s hospital. She gave us a few moments alone. And then she put him down while I held him. My heart shattered into so many pieces I doubt that I will ever find all of the shards. We communicated so well, the bond was so strong that it defies words.

I drove in pouring rain, through blinding tears, to bury him with his canine family in his breeder’s Oriental
Garden. He was buried with his beloved Pooh Bear who went everywhere with him.  It was tucked under his arm for that final journey.

Warmly,

Darlene

Darlene Arden, CABC
Journalist/Author/Speaker
www.darlenearden.com
Author of “The Angell Memorial Animal Hospital Book of Wellness and Preventive Care for Dogs,” “Unbelievably Good Deals and Great Adventures That You Absolutely Can’t Get Unless You’re a Dog,” “Small Dogs, Big Hearts,” and “Rover, Get Off Her Leg!”

Keywords: Death of my dog, grieving, loss of a pet,canine, dogs, heart,big heart, Darlene Arden, Judy H. Wright, Artichoke Press, Montana