When Death Is Near

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I have just received a call about the sudden death of an nephew who was estranged from the family(by his choice). He was smart, talented and only 37 years old.  Of course, he had problems, everyone has problems.

A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

As a lawyer, he had lost a case or two.  As a husband, he was in the middle of a divorce. As a son, he was drinking too much.  As a nephew, he was somebody else's main thought, not mine.

Suicide marks the end of a battle with internal pain, but the beginning of life long grieving and sorrow for those who are left behind with unanswered questions. 

Perhaps the hardest part of grieving that survivors face is that of powerlessness and a big helping of what if……  We would have helped, had we been asked.  We would have supported, sustained and offered advice had it been within our power.

Suicide Brings Guilt and Regret

As mere mortals, we will be saying goodbye for the rest of our lifetime.  We will lose jobs, friends, family, pets, car keys, houses, our abilities, and finally our own life. Many assume that guilt-regret is one word and with one description; "I'm a rotten person.  If only: I woulda, coulda and shoulda.  Why didn't I…..?"

There is a distinction between the words guilt and regret.  Understanding that difference can make it easier to overcome the negative connotations and process the authentic emotions.  Guilt is a deed that has been done for which you are sorry.  Regret is something you wished you wold have done, but did not.

The problem with guilt-regret being lumped into one word or negative emotion is that they feed each other.  When excess regret is lumped in with guilt, it makes grief last much longer and gives it a power and size in our hearts and minds that is harder to process and let go.

We Have No Power Over Others

We must come face to face with the reality that we have no power over other people's lives.  We can influence, give information, offer guidance and suggestions, but we have no power to force anyone to do what we want.

No matter how closely we are connected, it is the choice of the individual to end a life.  While we all must bear a responsibility for trying to offer help, the individual has freedom to make their own decisions. 

Grieve Loss of Relationship

I am so sorry that my nephew made this final decision.  Things do get better in life.  There is always a new way, a new day and another chance for happiness.

If you are sad, depressed or thinking of ending your life, please don't make that choice. Write or call me and perhaps I can offer you a link to a better tomorrow.  I care about you and the other members of this community. 

We Are All as One

with the hand of love and friendship,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PS: Connect with me on Twitter   http://www.Twitter.com/judyhwright

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Have you ever lost a job, spouse, child, parent, sibling, beloved pet, best
friend or your self confidence?

Do you feel alone and vulnerable, especially
around the holidays or anniversary date?

Does it seem that everyone else has "it altogether" and your life
is falling apart?

Are the Holidays with all the social activities especially
hard for you?

Click here to hear my personal invitation…

If you are looking for support without judgment, will you come with a small
group of kind people to a once a week phone meeting? 

This group will meet over the phone and replays of the sessions and handouts will be available to all members.

The sessions will take
place each Thursday  leading up to Thanksgiving and then the week after
for a check in.

We will have a time for Q and A, as well as a private coaching session with
me.

Please look at the website to see all the benefits of participation. You will be glad you did.

We want you to be
a part of this small select group.  You can choose how much you want to
participate or share.

http://artichokepress.com/teleseminars/Healing_Journey.htm

Please take a moment
and check this out.  If not for you, then perhaps as a gift for
someone you love.

In Gratitude and love,

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright

PS.  I hope that you will join us.  I guarantee you will discover
new ways to lessen your pain and be better able to enjoy the coming holiday
season.

http://artichokepress.com/teleseminars/Healing_Journey.htm

Hello from beautiful Montana:

If you or a loved one is coping with a terminal illness my love and support go out to you.  This is some of the hardest work in the world-so much to do, people to call, questions to get answered and so little energy  to do it all.

Please go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/AuntieArtichoke  for the 15 minute show I did this morning on this subject.  Perhaps it will give you insights and hope.

My advice to you as a Hospice volunteer for gathering Final Gifts, life stories, is to treasure the moments of living while coping with the losses that are ahead.  Live fully as best you can until you are no longer in this plane of existence, but have continued your journey.

This can be a time of great personal growth and satisfaction.  Remember the 5 most important things from my friend Dr. Ira Byock's book Dying Well;

1. Forgive me
2. I forgive you
3. Thank you
4. I love you
5. Goodby

I will be doing an intensive 4 week teleclass on Grieving starting on Thursday November 6.  All sessions will be recorded so you will be able to replay it later should you have to miss that one.

This is designed to get you or your loved ones through the holidays.  We will provide support, love and guidance to strengthen and sustain you.  It will cost you $147.00 and return to you priceless peace and support.

If you are interested, please write to me at Judy@ArtichokePress.com and I will send you the information.

Peace be with you,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As a parent educator, I
encourage parents who did not receive great relationship training in their
youth to look to animals as mentors.  If
more parents would greet their children at the door with love and acceptance in
their eyes, whole being expressing eagerness to be touched, patted and played
with, family relationships would grow to a new level.

A pet’s non verbal
language is unconditional love and forgiveness. 
Their love is not dependent on grades, promotions, or soccer
scores.  Even if you were grouchy
yesterday, they forgive easily.

They are loyal, funny,
kind, and irreverent like you wish you could be in public, trusting, reliable,
dependable, and love to play games, easily satisfied and great listeners. They
never share your secrets or judge you. 
They tolerate your idiosyncrasies and put up with your moods.  All in all, they are great friends and
companions.

We form interdependent
relationships with our pets.  They may
depend on us for food, lodging, occasional hug or trip to the vet.  But we depend on them to be our best friends.

No wonder we miss them
when they are gone.

I am enjoying writing a new ebook called Death of My Pet, which will be released in the near future.

It is a compilation of stories from people who have lost their pets and the impact it had on their lives. Be sure to sign up to receive the Artichoke- our ezine and you will be notified when it is ready.  You will love reading it.  It has really been a humbling experience to write it.

May your day be filled with joy and abundance.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the story telling trainer.  Http://www.ArtichokePress.com and http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

Don’t forget, you are always invited to a free teleclass every Thursday on some aspect of family relationships.  Sign up on the website.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I am going to share a few of the incredible stories that have come in for the new eBook I am writing.  You will enjoy hearing how others have coped with loss.

Sandy, one of the many contributors, wanted
to share this sweet story.

The Meaning of Life

Being a veterinarian, I had been called
to examine a ten year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s Owners, Ron,
his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker
and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was
dying of cancer.

 I told the family.  We couldn’t do anything for Belker, and
offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As
we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for
the four year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane
might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch
in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting
the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going
on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed
to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat
together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact
that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly,
piped up, “I know why.” Startled, we all turned to him. What came out
of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He
said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life  - like loving everybody all the time and
being nice, right?”

The four year old continued, “Well, dogs already
know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Author Unknown

If you would like to learn how to communicate more effectively both verbally and verbally, please accept my gift of a free eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com  and remember to join our free teleclass each Thursday.  Sign up at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Good morning from beautiful Montana;

I want to share another wonderful submission that came in for the Death of My Pet, which will be done soon (I hope)

The stories have so humbled me and touched my soul.

Miracles happen when people open their hearts to share their deepest feelings.  Read on.

There once was a girl who couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk and couldn’t even feed herself. She couldn’t move at all–except to smile. And she smiled about everything! She smiled when her sister brushed her long, brown hair, she smiled when her father pushed her along a bumpy, gravel path, and she smiled when her mother drove her around in the red convertible with the top down. She even smiled when she had her hair cut short so it could be donated to a sick girl who had lost her own. In fact, she smiled so much her teacher gave her a “Best Smiling” award at school.

The girl’s name was Elizabeth and she had cerebral palsy—her muscles just didn’t work.  Everyone liked her because she never said anything unkind, yet no one knew what she was really thinking. She was mysterious! But sometimes Elizabeth wished that she wasn’t so mysterious, that she had a true companion–one who could understand her, or at least sit beside her on the couch to keep her company.

Then one day, Elizabeth’s mother called an animal shelter and told the keeper, “I have a daughter who can’t play with a frisky dog. I would like an older, lazy one who wants to lie on the couch all day. Do you have one like that?”

“Ma’am, I not only have a couch potato here, but he’s the whole sack of potatoes!” The dog’s name was Riley. His owner had left him there because he couldn’t take care of him anymore.

Elizabeth’s mother brought him home and patted the couch, letting him know he could jump up on it next to Elizabeth. So he did just that.

Riley was big and hairy. Even though he was only five years old, he weighed 100 pounds. Even though Elizabeth was 11, she weighed only 40! Riley looked like a clumsy old black bear next to Elizabeth, but he was gentle. He knew how to jump on the couch and find a spot without stepping on her.

Although Elizabeth and Riley were very different on the outside, they seemed to be alike on the inside–they both loved to sit on the couch and watch cartoons. The only problem was that neither one could talk, or operate the remote control, so they had to wait for Elizabeth’s family to change the channels.

Riley would curl up next to Elizabeth for hours, and never leave her to do silly things like wash the dishes as her mother did. He didn’t leave her to mow the lawn or do homework. And Riley was happy that Elizabeth
didn’t run away from his bad breath. When Riley panted “Hello” in people’s faces, everyone turned away and said, “Yuk,” but not Elizabeth. She wasn’t afraid of his doggy smells. She smiled when his hot breath hit her nose.

But Elizabeth was afraid of the cold–she couldn’t keep herself warm like other children who could jump up and down or ask for a blanket. Since Riley had two coats of fur, one short and thick, one longer and shaggy, he wasn’t afraid of the cold at all. One day, the temperature dropped slightly and Elizabeth’s little feet began to turn purple. Riley understood what was happening. Without being told what to do, he carefully laid across them. His weight and warmth made Elizabeth feel so good she smiled. Riley was glad–he not only had a couch, but he had someone who needed him. And Elizabeth’s family was happy too—she finally had a companion who understood her.

Elizabeth and Riley grew older together on the couch for several years. Then one day, Elizabeth
passed away. Riley was never truly happy after that and he passed away a year later. His ashes were spread over Elizabeth’s grave—now they are forever keeping each other company.

End Note: Elizabeth’s disabilities were caused by congenital cytomegalovirus (CMV)–the #1 viral cause of birth defects–more common than Down syndrome. Women of child-bearing age need to learn how to avoid it during pregnancy. Please see my Web site at www.authorlisasaunders.com to read more about Elizabeth and CMV prevention, or visit http://www.cdc.gov/cmv/. My soon to be released book, ANYTHING BUT A DOG!, is the comedy and tragedy of life with Elizabeth and her dog Riley.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Once again, I would like to share a few of the remarkable stories that have been contributed for the upcoming eBook  Death of My Pet.  I am humbled  by the stories and the people who are willing to share their sorrow in support of others.

Be sure to keep checking at http://www.ArtichokePress.com for the launch of the eBook.

“The last pet I lost was the dog of my heart. From the time he was 9 years old he had chronic relapsing pancreatitis. He had an enlarged heart as he grew older, and mitral valve disease. A Yorkshire Terrier, he also had a collapsing trachea. And, lest I forget, irritable bowel syndrome.  He was, to the AKC, Ch. Cap’n Ebenezer of . But he was always my Neezie.

He was nearly 17 when I had no choice but to put him down. He told me it was time.  I gave him the last gift I could — release.  I held him in my arms in a darkened room at my veterinarian’s hospital. She gave us a few moments alone. And then she put him down while I held him. My heart shattered into so many pieces I doubt that I will ever find all of the shards. We communicated so well, the bond was so strong that it defies words.

I drove in pouring rain, through blinding tears, to bury him with his canine family in his breeder’s Oriental
Garden. He was buried with his beloved Pooh Bear who went everywhere with him.  It was tucked under his arm for that final journey.

Warmly,

Darlene

Darlene Arden, CABC
Journalist/Author/Speaker
www.darlenearden.com
Author of “The Angell Memorial Animal Hospital Book of Wellness and Preventive Care for Dogs,” “Unbelievably Good Deals and Great Adventures That You Absolutely Can’t Get Unless You’re a Dog,” “Small Dogs, Big Hearts,” and “Rover, Get Off Her Leg!”

Keywords: Death of my dog, grieving, loss of a pet,canine, dogs, heart,big heart, Darlene Arden, Judy H. Wright, Artichoke Press, Montana

Melissa (a sweet granddaughter who is 8 years old)

It was one little puppy I really liked.  He was my favorite and his name was Peter.  He got a sickness where he could not see, eat or go to the bathroom.  So we took him to the vet and she said he was going to die, just like Patches, his brother had done.

We were all sad and crying and the vet said just love it till it died.  My mom was watching a movie while holding Peter in her lap on Mother’s Day.  She fell asleep just rubbing his back and when she woke up he was dead.

Then we decided it that we would bury him in a box that she had gotten her mother’s day gift in.  We all decided it was just the right size for his coffin.  We wrote his name on it and Amanda, my big sister, put him gently in the box.

We dug a hole outside and put the box inside and put a stick with his name on it.  We were going to hold a ceremony, which is what we usually do when an animal dies, but Amanda got a phone call while looking for a song, so we just said a little prayer and that was that.

On Memorial Day, we made a bouquet of flowers and took it out to his grave.  Can you believe it, he died on Mother’s Day and we finally got around to having the ceremony on Memorial Day!

I think when a child loses a pet, the whole family should be sad with them.  I liked it that I did not have to be sad alone.

 Melissa (a sweet granddaughter who is 8 years old)

It was one little puppy I really liked.  He was my favorite and his name was Peter.  He got a sickness where he could not see, eat or go to the bathroom.  So we took him to the vet and she said he was going to die, just like Patches, his brother had done.

We were all sad and crying and the vet said just love it till it died.  My mom was watching a movie while holding Peter in her lap on Mother’s Day.  She fell asleep just rubbing his back and when she woke up he was dead.

Then we decided it that we would bury him in a box that she had gotten her mother’s day gift in.  We all decided it was just the right size for his coffin.  We wrote his name on it and Amanda, my big sister, put him gently in the box.

We dug a hole outside and put the box inside and put a stick with his name on it.  We were going to hold a ceremony, which is what we usually do when an animal dies, but Amanda got a phone call while looking for a song, so we just said a little prayer and that was that.

On Memorial Day, we made a bouquet of flowers and took it out to his grave.  Can you believe it, he died on Mother’s Day and we finally got around to having the ceremony on Memorial Day!

I think when a child loses a pet, the whole family should be sad with them.  I liked it that I did not have to be sad alone.

Good morning from beautiful Montana:

I have been so impressed with the quality and quantity of heart felt stories that have come to my in-box lately. I had posted a request asking for short articles on helping people cope with the loss of a pet for an upcoming eBook.

You will enjoy reading them as much as I have.  If you or someone you know has a story to share about they were told, how they handled the death, how they grieved or how they healed, please share it.  We care.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.
-Anatole, France

Hello Judy,

We have not lost a pet recently but we learned last month that our 9-year-old German Shepherd has cancer.  We took her to the vet school and the oncologist said she has a large mass in her abdomen pressing on her bowel, two anal sac gland adenocarcinomas and metastasis in the chest.  She said the best we could do for her was prednisone and she might live a few weeks.

The very thought of having to euthanize her was devastating because other than difficulty having bowel movements she is still very full of life.

I guess she performed in the hospital that night. We learned that she kept escaping from her cage and removing her catheter and IV.  The next day the oncologist said they want to try to shrink the large mass through radiation. In the mean time we switched her to the Atkins diet because carbs feed cancer.

As my brother (the dog's owner) began sharing Brandi's diagnosis with friends he learned that several of his friends recently had to euthanize their pets and it was so devastating that they just did not want to talk about it.

Brandi has a myspace page www.myspace.com/brandisurfstheweband several of her friends have crossed the rainbow bridge.  Perhaps their owners may be willing to talk to you about the grieving process.

What do you think?  Would you like to share your story?  Leave a comment or send me an email.

Love and abundance to all things,

Judy H. Wright also known as Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling (and gatherer) trainer

Judy,