When Death Is Near

Even though 10% or more of reported deaths are unexpected and traumatic, you are still blindsided when it happens to those you love and care about.  It is not something that one ever plans on and so are not only grieving emotionally, but have no idea on what to do in order to handle the practical aspects of death.

it is not helpful that medical and police personnel, trained to solve problems and find answers may seem very matter of fact or even uncaring.  They may announce to you that you must make "arrangements" or even question you or other members of the family.

The reality is that they are usually caring individuals or they would not have been drawn to that line of work.  However,in order to protect their own emotional energy, they make not take the time for personal or emotional responses to your pain.

Find an Advocate

The first thing to do is to ask for an advocate.  You need someone to help you make decisions and try to understand what is happening and what you need to do. It may be a daily occurrence for them, but when it happens to your loved one, you feel as though you are the only one in the world to experience such deep emotional pain.

If you have a faith community leader, or a dear friend or family member who will support, listen and assist you, call them to come to you. If even making that phone call seems overwhelming, ask an official to contact them for you. This is not a time to be alone.

Do Not Make Major Decisions

Be very careful about jumping into decisions without someone who can be a little more rational than you are  in situations of unexpected death.  You do not need elaborate flower arrangements or an expensive casket, which you may be sold by unscrupulous funeral homes.

It is natural and understandable to be in shock. it is a shocking circumstance.  Give yourself some time to adjust, absorb and act accordingly.

If Only..

In cases of unexpected and traumatic deaths, family and friends do not have the opportunity to say good-bye. Sudden infant death, suicide, homicide and accidents can leave everyone, but especially those who were close, feeling if only….

No matter how the death occurs, we often think somehow we could have done something more, better, more often etc.  It is a vicious circle in our minds as we try to make sense of what has happened.

The reality is that we all do the best we can and bad things happen to good people all the time.  It is not a judgment on them or on you. It just is.

Seek Bereavement or Grief Counseling

You may find that you need assistance in sorting out the emotions in your heart and mind.  These are extreme situations and bring out extreme emotions that need to be addressed before you can go on with your life.

It is our wish that you find a safe and loving harbor to share your feelings and concerns.  Unresolved grief and anger are at the root of much illness.  For your own good and the good of other survivors, take care of yourself as you seek healing through your grief.

With love and empathy,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello:

I re-found this poem recently and wanted to share it with you and keep it where I can find it again.

Gone from my sight.  That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
And she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming.
And other voices ready to take up the glad shout:
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

My thoughts and prayers are with you if you are grieving today.  It is a long road and it will take some time before your every thought is about your loved one.  Take your time to heal.

With love and support,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

PS: Please join our community of kind, supportive and thoughtful people at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

PSS: I would also like to invite you to visit http://www.encourageselfconfidence.com  to see my latest book and the bonuses I am offering to my readers.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I would like to recommend a wonderful book that I give when someone is grieving. It is called Tear Soup-A Recipe For Healing After Loss.  This thoughtful and insightful message is written by a mother(Pat Schwiebert) and son(Chuck DeKlyen) and illustrated by a very talented artist nephew (Taylor Bills).

This book is $19.99 at your book store or Amazon and the ISBN is 0-9615197-6-2.

Even though it appears to be a  book written for children, it is much deeper than that. It teaches all of us that personal grieving is much like making a big batch of soup. There may be a basic recipe but we each adjust it to our own tastes, needs and process.

We often give flowers, or make a charitable contribution to show our respect for the deceased, but many forget to show tenderness to the bereaved.

This is a book to be cherished and re-read many times.  You will find yourself marveling in the illustrations and text that affirms your respect and acknowledgment of the grieving one.

No, I do not get a commission from the authors, but I should because I recommend it so much.

Until we meet again,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello friends,

This is your last reminder to sign up for my upcoming
teleseminar series: A Healing Journey through Grief and Loss where I will help
you deal with your sadness and bring you peace during this holiday
season.

The series will begin on Thursday, November 6th at 5pm
Pacific/9pm Eastern and run through December 4th, with no class the week of
Thankgiving.

To register for the series follow the link below:
http://artichokepress.com/teleseminars/Healing_Journey.htm

By
joining me for this workshop you will learn:
    *  Stages of Grief and what
to expect
    * How to seek support and ask for help
    * How to face an
empty chair at the holiday table
    * How to Find forgiveness of ourselves
and others
    * Dealing with the expectations of others
    * What are
triggers for tears
    * Coping skills and regaining self confidence
    *
Who you are now? Redefining your role

So, I hope you will make this small
investment of time and money that will help you enjoy the blessings of the
coming holiday season.

Click here to register!
http://artichokepress.com/teleseminars/Healing_Journey.htm

In
Peace and Abundance,

Judy H. Wright

P.S. If this message does not resonate with you now I encourage you to
forward this message to anyone you know would benefit.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As most of you know, I am a family educator and coach and work with families just like yours and mine all over the place.  One of the most reoccurring themes is anger.  How it works, how to manage it, where it comes from and what to do when it is directed at you.

People who have undergone a trauma or are in the middle of a stressful situation may turn to anger because they don’t know other ways to express their frustrations.

Anger is a powerful emotion and is experienced for many reasons.  it may be expressed with physical and emotional components like:

• Agitation
• frustration
• indignation
• exasperation,
• hostility
• extreme displeasure.

It can also be displayed physically by:

• Aggression
• destructive behavior toward self, others and property.
• verbal attacks
• violent behavior
• threats towards others and self

Anger is expressed in varying ranges from irritated to enraged.  When anger is expressed correctly, it is the basis for change and the outcome is positive.  When expressed in a dangerous way, the result can vary from hurt feelings and strained relationships to destruction of property and even suicide.

You can learn to Control your anger by recognizing the triggers and redirecting those emotions and feelings to more positive outlets.

Under every angry outburst or feeling is an unmet need.  What do you need to make you feel safe and respected?  Can you ask for that instead of blowing up about something that really is just “the straw that broke the camel’s back?”

Good luck, I am pulling for you.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke,family relationship coach and author

PS:  be sure to check out http://www.ArtichokePress.com to sign up for free Thursday teleclasses and radio shows on family relationships. You will feel like they are created just for you and they were.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Have you ever heard someone say that in retrospect a tragedy was the best thing that ever happened to them?  You just shake your head and wonder what they are talking about. How can the bad be good?

Get Over Your Grief

For someone who has recently lost a loved one, the future is confusing, frightening and very vague.  They are not sure who they are now that they are no longer the caregiver, wife, daughter or whoever they had labeled themselves through the years.

One never gets over the loss, but they get better at defining who they are and what they are capable of. Many people assume that once a year has past, the pain will have lessened and they will be “all better.”

But sometimes it is the shock of losing someone through death, illness or divorce that forces us to look inside and decide to change the direction of our lives.  Who and what we were will never be the same again. Of course, we grieve about what might have been and recognize the future will be not be one containing the lost loved one..

Get  a Different Perspective

One of the most difficult aspects of long term bereavement  is to know that life will never be the same nor will we.  As time goes on, however, we begin to see the future with new eyes and recognize that we are survivors and can build a new life that maintains the memories of the past and builds on new experiences.

Michael J. Fox writes Lucky Man

I recently picked up a bunch of books at the Thrift Shop to read in the car on a trip.  One surprisingly excellent one was Michael J. Fox’s memoir of finding how Parkinson’s Disease had made a difference in his life.

I quote a paragraph:

    “I am no longer the person described in the first few pages of this chapter, and I am forever grateful for that.  I would never want to go back to that life-a sheltered, narrow existence fueled by fear and made livable by insulation, isolation, and self-indulgence.  it was a life lived in a bubble-but bubbles, being the most fragile constructions, are easily destroyed.  All it takes is a little finger.”

You Are Stronger Than You Think

I have confidence in your ability to endure this grief and to come out on the other end a different but better person  You  have much to share with the world and you will be guided how to present that message to others.

I would like to invite you to check out the  Thursday teleclasses and radio shows  listed on http://www.ArtichokePress.com  They are free and you will feel they have been designed just for you.  And they have been.

Love, Judy H. Wright

PS:  Are you on the social network FaceBook or Twitter?  Please add me as a friend.

“Grief is so
painfully real, regardless of its origin. The love of,

and attachment to,
an animal friend can equal that of human relationships.

Likewise, the loss
of an animal can be just as devastating.”
Rev. Joel L. Morgan

Hello friends:

The following post is taken from the new eBook that will be coming out soon on grieving the loss of a pet. We will keep you posted. 

The stories that have come in from people just like you have been incredible.

One of the toughest
communications for some people is to how to offer sympathy.  That is why so many people say nothing at
all.  It is not that they are uncaring,
rather they care so much, they don’t want to add to your pain or make you feel
worse.

I was surprised at how many
of the submissions I received talked about lack of support in the
workplace.  Then I remembered twenty
years ago when my brother JAllen was killed in a horrible industrial accident.

Working at a local weekly
newspaper at the time, my boss was also a friend and the workplace had felt
like extended family.  And yet, two weeks
after the funeral, I was called in and told to “snap out of it.”

Gordon actually looked me
right in the eye and said; “Enough already! 
How long are you going to grieve? 
We have a paper to put out.”

I told him that I would
probably grieve for the rest of my natural life and to check back with me in a
few years when he had lost someone precious to him.

I have often wondered how he handled grief when it came to his journey of life.

My best to you and if you are sad today, please know that you are never alone.  I am sending you warm thoughts and prayers.

Love, Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author