Talk to Children About Death
Monday, May 25th, 2009Today is Memorial Day in the United States and an opportunity for families, friends and neighbors to get together to socialize and share food. The other order of the day is the sharing of stories of loved ones who are dead, but not forgotten.
Children who have been exposed to the concept of death as part of the life cycle are not as afraid as those whose families never spoke of it. Death and dying are not subjects that come on a daily basis, but when an opportunity arises, such a Memorial Day picnic, it is perfectly natural to include it in the conversation.
We all Suffer Loss of Some Kind
Children can see that adults enjoy telling funny stories and remembering ancestors who have died and may even shed a tear or two. It is okay to mourn the loss of loved ones and to feel save sharing those feelings with others.
So many questions about life and death don't have easy answers. The adults who are trying to give information have to do that from a point of view, their own experiences or their beliefs. You may want to reassure the child that even though no one can tell you exactly how it feels to die, since they have not yet died, they can share opinions and their own impressions.
Help young people to know that there is no such thing as a dumb question and they should feel free to ask about what they don't understand. Adults may be embarrassed or ill at ease, not because of the question, but because they may have fears and unresolved feelings.
Talk About Death Before Someone Dies
Children do have an understanding that each of us will die at some point and those left behind will be sad and lonely. The more prepared the whole family is in expressing not only feelings and emotions of sadness, but the joy and happiness that comes from being together, the easier it will be to discuss life and death.
Memorial Day or Decoration Day
The custom of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths and flags began in the Civil War. Families would gather to honor their loved ones who had been lost in war and through other deaths through the years. It continues to annually be a time for sharing memories, stories and food.
Death is a Part of Life
Most children are curious and will ask many questions if given the chance. Rather than shooing them away when they ask leading questions, use the family gathering to share deep feelings with one another. The adults are probably grateful to have a forum for discussion too.
With love and support, Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
