When Death Is Near

Hello from beautiful Montana:

The loss of a beloved pet and best friend is devastating. In interviewing hundreds of pet owners and sharing their stories, it is plain to see that the loss of a pet may trigger many other emotions about relationships, both animal and human.

The final days of your pet’s life may be the most difficult period of your relationship, and yet it can also be a rewarding and spirit filled time together.  The period  after the death can be very hard as you make the decision for burial or cremation of your pet.

Cremation of Animals

Most veterinarians have access to a crematorium, where the earthly body is handled with respect and burned. If you choose cremation, the casket or urn containing the ashes will be returned to you. Many people are having jewelry made out of the “cremains” of their pet.

Burial of Your Pet

It is not unusual for families and individuals to choose to bury their pet somewhere that holds significance for them.  You may need to check local ordinances, but most areas will allow you to bury a pet on land that you own.  If you do not have a suitable area for this, you may decide to purchase a burial plot at the pet cemetery.

Prices of a pet burial plot will vary, depending on size of plot, if a casket is used or a service is provided.  Many of the pet cemeteries that friends have used included the cost of a small granite marker in the price of the burial. Some have a space for a picture of the pet.

Memorial To Your Best Friend and Pet

There are many ways to memorialize in a physical manner. Of course, your memories  will always be filled with thoughts of your time together.

You can also plant a tree, donate food  or time to the local  animal shelter, have a portrait painted, write a poem, song or story about your time together.

It is your decision  when your pet dies; burial or cremation. Either way, you will always remember and be grateful for the life lessons you learned from your pet.  Owning and loving animals make us better people.

You are invited to go to http://www.deathofmypet.com the site of our latest book to share stories, photos and memorials of those who have lost a pet.  You will be glad you did.

With love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker

Hello from beautiful Montana.  Death of family members brings out the best and worst in how we act and react to bad news.

For those of us who are Baby Boomers, deaths in the family are becoming more and more routine. Cousins who never have time to come to family reunions or wedding celebrations are now gathering in Intensive Care Units and funeral homes.  Siblings who argued over toys, now make decsions on  how to divide heirlooms.

All of us will face death of loved ones at some time or another and yet we have no training on how to act and some may fall back on old patterns of behavior. Especially negative behavior from old wounds.  If our experiences surrounded other deaths were uncomfortable, we will bring those same emotions and feelings into these situations.

Choose to Deal With Relatives in a Positive Way

Unfinished business from the past doesn’t simply disappear. If it is not dealt with, at least internally, it will resurface later in unexpected and troubling ways.

Don’t buy into the drama that some family members enjoy creating.  Recognize that each person handles life and death differently.  Do your best to honor the dead as well as the living, by making emotional choices that are wise for you, not knee-jerk reactions.

We can allow emotional triggers that push us back into being selfish, complaining and attention seeking children.  Or, on the other hand, we can recognize an emotional trigger for what it is; simply a signal your subconscious is sending to your conscious mind. It can help us to think before reacting, and make a conscious choice to speak, act and  offer comfort in a giving way.

Allow Grief to Bring Out Your Best

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross once said ” When you look back at the anguish, suffering, and traumas in your life,  you’ll see that these are the periods of biggest growth.  After a loss that brings you dreadfully painful moments, you are a different man, a different woman.  Many years later, you will be able to look back and see the positive things–togetherness in your family, faith or whatever — that came out of your pain.”

Families are where we came from, but not necessarily where we are going.  We are bound to those we love and those who love us by shared experiences as well as our individual perceptions. It is important for us to be in a place where we join other family members to remember the good times and able to celebrate this passing of a loved one into the next plane of existence.

So, when the phone rings in the middle of night and it is news of the aunt, cousin, brother or other close family member who is dying or has died, know that you have a choice.  This trial or suffering or sorrow is an opportunity for you to grow closer to the rest of the family.

It is a chance to reunite, forgive and let go of old wounds.  It is a chance to allow your best side to show. Let this be your final gift to your loved one.

With understanding and love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and keynote speaker