Archive for May, 2009

Assesment of Needs-Developing a Care Plan

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

Hello dear friends throughout the world.

When people are suddenly disabled, hospitalized or entering a care facility, they are often subjected to something called an assessment.  The care providers make a list of what the patient can and cannot do, have or eat/ This group of "professionals" frequently meet around a conference room table piled high with manila folders and sticky notes. Lots of coffee and donuts because making these decisions require stamina to run through the "cases" and make decisions about what will make life easier, hopefully for the patient and certainly for the staff.

Who Is In Charge Of My Life

If I sound a little cynical about others making judgment  or assessments about a patient without input from the patient, it is because I am. I was sitting in my mother's end of life room visiting when the director stopped by to tell us that they had done an assessment and this would be the plan of care from now on.

I was livid that our input was not asked for nor included in how my mother would be allowed to spend the rest of her life. I was her advocate, daughter and fairly smart woman but was not invited to the conference room to hear the discussion. Nor was I asked by them for my opinion on what things she could do and had done in the past.

Asses Strengths not Weakness

What a difference it would have made had the director, social worker, nurse or advocate ask Mom what she wanted. The most ridiculous thing "the professionals" decided was that if she played cards daily it would strengthen her hands. Mom hated playing cards and had no patience for board games, and had for the last 91 years.  She would have cared for the green plants or done hand exercises with me, not "some 12 year old kid who won't be here tomorrow" as she called the constant flux of CNA's.

Empower Yourself and Loved One to Make Decisions

By focusing on what you can and want to do, you communicate to others, that you are in control of your life.  Help your loved one make a list of inner resources, likes and dislikes and areas of strengths.  The more choices any of us have in life and approaching death, the less stress we have.

Certainly there are activities that are no longer possible, but if the interest is there, perhaps the patient can adapt or find a way to still maintain some control over choices about their care.

Good Luck, You do an Important Work in Bringing Dignity and Choice 

With Love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

Talk to Children About Death

Monday, May 25th, 2009

Today is Memorial Day in the United States and an opportunity for families, friends and neighbors to get together to socialize and share food.  The other order of the day is the sharing of stories of loved ones who are dead, but not forgotten.

Children who have been exposed to the concept of death as part of the life cycle are not as afraid as those whose families never spoke of it.  Death and dying are not subjects that come on a daily basis, but when an opportunity arises, such a Memorial Day picnic, it is perfectly natural to include it in the conversation.

We all Suffer Loss of Some Kind

Children can see that adults enjoy telling funny stories and remembering ancestors who have died and may even shed a tear or two.  It is okay to mourn the loss of loved ones and to  feel save sharing those feelings with others.

So many questions about life and death don't have easy answers. The adults who are trying to give information have to do that from a point of view, their own experiences or their beliefs.  You may want to reassure the child that even though no one can tell you exactly how it feels to die, since they have not yet died, they can share opinions and their own impressions.

Help young people to know that there is no such thing as a dumb question and they should feel free to ask about what they don't understand.  Adults may be embarrassed or ill at ease, not because of the question, but because they may have fears and unresolved feelings.

Talk About Death Before Someone Dies

Children do have an understanding that each of us will die at some point and those left behind will be sad and lonely.  The more prepared the whole family is in expressing not only feelings and emotions of sadness, but the joy and happiness that comes from being together, the easier it will be to discuss life and death.

Memorial Day or Decoration Day

The custom of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths and flags began in the Civil War. Families would gather to honor their loved ones who had been lost in war and through other deaths through the years.  It continues to annually be a time for sharing memories, stories and food.

Death is a Part of Life

Most children are curious and will ask many questions if given the chance.  Rather than shooing them away when they ask leading questions, use the family gathering to share deep feelings with one another.  The adults are probably grateful to have a forum for discussion too.

With love and support, Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
 

Caregiver Can Write Life Review

Friday, May 15th, 2009

Hello from
beautiful

Montana

:

 

People what
are nearing end of life have a deep desire to know their live has had meaning
and they have not lived in vain.  The greatest gift one can bestow on humanity
is to teach and share wisdom. This is a way to insure that while your body may
leave this earth, your words will linger.

 

Caregivers,family,
medical personnel and social support staff have an opportunity to help the ill
person to do a short life review. As a member of the Montana StoryKeepers, we
have done a number of end-of-life stories and have found great satisfaction and
joy from the storyteller as well as others.

 

Keep
It Short

 

It is a big
job to write a memoir or autobiography and may seem overwhelming to caregiver
and patient. So, make it clear that you just want to gather "little life
lessons" which will then be passed to others.

 

Ask
Very Specific Questions

 

1.   
Do you
remember your first day of school? How did you get there? What were you wearing?
Were your parents glad to see you go to school?

2.   
What is
your favorite breakfast?  How do you like your eggs cooked? 

3.   
 What was
the worst job you ever had?
 What did
you learn there?  

 

Ask
Open Ended Questions

 

This type
of question allows the person to reflect on past life and give advice for the
future. You offer incomplete sentences and allow the patient to complete
them.

 

1.   
The best
way to be a family is to_________________________________

2.   
In life I
feel people need to cherish
_______________________________
  
 

  3.The one
thing I want people to remember about me is_____________________

 

 Remember to End on a
Happy Note
                                                    
                                                                               
                                 Because you have taken the mind on a trip to the
past, there may be some sad or painful memories that have floated to the top.
 While this may be important for the patient to sort out, you don't want him or
her to dwell on unpleasant things.  Be sure that no matter how the conversation
went, bring them back to the present by making simple statements such as;   

 

1.You have
shared some great memories today, but I am ready for lunch. What sounds good to
you? 

2.   What are
you going to do for the rest of the day? 
 

3.   
what are you
looking forward to doing today?

 

Thanks for
being a caregiver and support system to those who need you. This will be some of
the most important work you will ever do.

Judy
H. Wright

aka
Auntie
Artichoke

Author, Parent Educator,International
Speaker/Trainer

 

For media contacts:  406-549-9813

 

Full listing of books & classes at www.ArtichokePress.com

 

Check out www.UseEncouragingWords.com  for
a FREE
eBook
!!

 

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Artichoke
and
When Death Is
Near

 

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