When Death Is Near

Even though 10% or more of reported deaths are unexpected and traumatic, you are still blindsided when it happens to those you love and care about.  It is not something that one ever plans on and so are not only grieving emotionally, but have no idea on what to do in order to handle the practical aspects of death.

it is not helpful that medical and police personnel, trained to solve problems and find answers may seem very matter of fact or even uncaring.  They may announce to you that you must make "arrangements" or even question you or other members of the family.

The reality is that they are usually caring individuals or they would not have been drawn to that line of work.  However,in order to protect their own emotional energy, they make not take the time for personal or emotional responses to your pain.

Find an Advocate

The first thing to do is to ask for an advocate.  You need someone to help you make decisions and try to understand what is happening and what you need to do. It may be a daily occurrence for them, but when it happens to your loved one, you feel as though you are the only one in the world to experience such deep emotional pain.

If you have a faith community leader, or a dear friend or family member who will support, listen and assist you, call them to come to you. If even making that phone call seems overwhelming, ask an official to contact them for you. This is not a time to be alone.

Do Not Make Major Decisions

Be very careful about jumping into decisions without someone who can be a little more rational than you are  in situations of unexpected death.  You do not need elaborate flower arrangements or an expensive casket, which you may be sold by unscrupulous funeral homes.

It is natural and understandable to be in shock. it is a shocking circumstance.  Give yourself some time to adjust, absorb and act accordingly.

If Only..

In cases of unexpected and traumatic deaths, family and friends do not have the opportunity to say good-bye. Sudden infant death, suicide, homicide and accidents can leave everyone, but especially those who were close, feeling if only….

No matter how the death occurs, we often think somehow we could have done something more, better, more often etc.  It is a vicious circle in our minds as we try to make sense of what has happened.

The reality is that we all do the best we can and bad things happen to good people all the time.  It is not a judgment on them or on you. It just is.

Seek Bereavement or Grief Counseling

You may find that you need assistance in sorting out the emotions in your heart and mind.  These are extreme situations and bring out extreme emotions that need to be addressed before you can go on with your life.

It is our wish that you find a safe and loving harbor to share your feelings and concerns.  Unresolved grief and anger are at the root of much illness.  For your own good and the good of other survivors, take care of yourself as you seek healing through your grief.

With love and empathy,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Today I took a walk in the Springtime. It was wonderful to see flowers blooming and leaves opening up on the trees.  So great to hear the birds singing again. Winters are long in Montana. Sometimes we despair of Spring and joy  ever coming again.

Much like those who are going through hard times and trouble in their lives. Perhaps you are in pain right now because you can't see a bright future ahead.  You may be discouraged and filled with anxiety.

We all Have Losses and Adversity

As I looked at the trees  in our yard today and heard a neighbor pruning the branches on his lilac bushes, I was struck by the metaphor of humans who lost something only to gain something greater.

Many times it is the times of trouble where we learn the most. Like the trees who are pruned to allow new growth, we come out of trouble and adversity different people than we were earlier.

Trees and People Grow Strong

Winter and trouble may make us sad. Spring and Renewal make us remember.  A time of trouble or overgrowth can be changed to a time of growth. May you recognize that you, too, will see Spring again.

With gratitude and love,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author
http://www.ArtichokePress.com