When Death Is Near

Hello from beautiful Montana:

As most of you know, I am a family educator and coach and work with families just like yours and mine all over the place.  One of the most reoccurring themes is anger.  How it works, how to manage it, where it comes from and what to do when it is directed at you.

People who have undergone a trauma or are in the middle of a stressful situation may turn to anger because they don’t know other ways to express their frustrations.

Anger is a powerful emotion and is experienced for many reasons.  it may be expressed with physical and emotional components like:

• Agitation
• frustration
• indignation
• exasperation,
• hostility
• extreme displeasure.

It can also be displayed physically by:

• Aggression
• destructive behavior toward self, others and property.
• verbal attacks
• violent behavior
• threats towards others and self

Anger is expressed in varying ranges from irritated to enraged.  When anger is expressed correctly, it is the basis for change and the outcome is positive.  When expressed in a dangerous way, the result can vary from hurt feelings and strained relationships to destruction of property and even suicide.

You can learn to Control your anger by recognizing the triggers and redirecting those emotions and feelings to more positive outlets.

Under every angry outburst or feeling is an unmet need.  What do you need to make you feel safe and respected?  Can you ask for that instead of blowing up about something that really is just “the straw that broke the camel’s back?”

Good luck, I am pulling for you.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke,family relationship coach and author

PS:  be sure to check out http://www.ArtichokePress.com to sign up for free Thursday teleclasses and radio shows on family relationships. You will feel like they are created just for you and they were.

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Have you ever heard someone say that in retrospect a tragedy was the best thing that ever happened to them?  You just shake your head and wonder what they are talking about. How can the bad be good?

Get Over Your Grief

For someone who has recently lost a loved one, the future is confusing, frightening and very vague.  They are not sure who they are now that they are no longer the caregiver, wife, daughter or whoever they had labeled themselves through the years.

One never gets over the loss, but they get better at defining who they are and what they are capable of. Many people assume that once a year has past, the pain will have lessened and they will be “all better.”

But sometimes it is the shock of losing someone through death, illness or divorce that forces us to look inside and decide to change the direction of our lives.  Who and what we were will never be the same again. Of course, we grieve about what might have been and recognize the future will be not be one containing the lost loved one..

Get  a Different Perspective

One of the most difficult aspects of long term bereavement  is to know that life will never be the same nor will we.  As time goes on, however, we begin to see the future with new eyes and recognize that we are survivors and can build a new life that maintains the memories of the past and builds on new experiences.

Michael J. Fox writes Lucky Man

I recently picked up a bunch of books at the Thrift Shop to read in the car on a trip.  One surprisingly excellent one was Michael J. Fox’s memoir of finding how Parkinson’s Disease had made a difference in his life.

I quote a paragraph:

    “I am no longer the person described in the first few pages of this chapter, and I am forever grateful for that.  I would never want to go back to that life-a sheltered, narrow existence fueled by fear and made livable by insulation, isolation, and self-indulgence.  it was a life lived in a bubble-but bubbles, being the most fragile constructions, are easily destroyed.  All it takes is a little finger.”

You Are Stronger Than You Think

I have confidence in your ability to endure this grief and to come out on the other end a different but better person  You  have much to share with the world and you will be guided how to present that message to others.

I would like to invite you to check out the  Thursday teleclasses and radio shows  listed on http://www.ArtichokePress.com  They are free and you will feel they have been designed just for you.  And they have been.

Love, Judy H. Wright

PS:  Are you on the social network FaceBook or Twitter?  Please add me as a friend.

Good Morning from Montana:

I wanted to share another of the stories that have come to be included in the upcoming eBook on Grieving the Loss of a Pet.  I am humbled by the support and sharing.  Can’t wait for you to get the book.  You will love it.

One time my husband Ray brought the family a surprise gift when he
returned from a business trip out of town. 
An associate had a turtle that they could no longer keep and so Ray
volunteered to bring it home to our three young sons and me, all of whom are
animal lovers.

The turtle was about
8 inches long and when he extended his graceful neck, he reminded us of a movie
star, so we named him E.T.

Even though we knew a
lot about animals in general, we did not know the specifics of turtle
care.  We went to a wonderful vet Dr.
Sara Stephens, who was just starting her business and had a turtle in her
office! Her turtle was 6 or 8 times the size of E.T. and very healthy. She told
us she had gotten her turtle as a small child from the dime store.  It had grown from about an inch and a half to
it’s current size.

She gave us
supplements and instructions on feeding E.T. We force-fed him for a while
before Ray and I had a weeklong trip planned and was leaving the boys and pets
with a caregiver.

When we returned,
E.T. had died.  I was devastated!  I literally howled with grief. My remorse and
grief was much worse than with any of the other close family pets that we had
lost in the past.

I believe my sadness
was so deep because I felt that we had taken on a privilege and honor of caring
for a life. For what ever reason that life was cut short.  We had made the commitment to protect this
animal and this charge should not be taken lightly.

E.T.  went into the pet grave at the back of our
garden.  Through the years we have buried
rabbits, cats, dogs and fish that have been loved and cared for by our family,
as well as birds and squirrels. On the top of the pet grave is a huge
Rhododendron plant that reminds us of our commitment to love and protect those
animals who have been put into our lives.

Susie Risho

 Sorry I can’t figure out how to add the photos.  Next time maybe.

Love, Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

http://www.ArtichokePress.com   Be sure and join us for the free TeleClass each Thursday.