The Dying Process – Psychological Stages
As you and your loved one move into and through this
time it may be helpful to better understand some of the psychological
stages that may be experienced.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
describes the “stages of dying” in detail in her book, On Death and
Dying. They can be briefly summarized as follows:
1. Denial – "No, not me." This is a typical reaction when a patient learns that he or she is terminally ill.
2. Rage and anger – "Why me?" The patient resents the fact that others will remain healthy and alive while he or she must die.
3. Bargaining
- "Yes me, but . . .!" Patients accept the fact of death but strike
bargains for more time. They promise to be good or to do something in
exchange for another week or month or year of life.
4. Depression -
"Yes, me." First, the person mourns past losses, things not done,
wrongs committed. But then he or she enters a state of "preparatory
grief," getting ready for the arrival of death. The patient grows
quiet, doesn't want visitors. "When a dying patient doesn't want to see
you any more," says Doctor Ross, "this is a sign he or she has finished
his unfinished business with you, and it is a blessing. He or she can
now let go peacefully."
5. Acceptance
- "My time is very close now and it's all right." Doctor Ross describes
this final stage as "not a happy stage, but neither is it unhappy.
These
stages provide a very useful guide to understanding the different
phases that dying patients may go through. They are not absolute; not
everyone goes through every stage. Nor does every person go through
them in this exact sequence or at a predictable pace. However, knowing
that these stages exist can be a valuable tool in understanding why
your loved one may behave in certain ways.
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