When Death Is Near

Melissa (a sweet granddaughter who is 8 years old)

It was one little puppy I really liked.  He was my favorite and his name was Peter.  He got a sickness where he could not see, eat or go to the bathroom.  So we took him to the vet and she said he was going to die, just like Patches, his brother had done.

We were all sad and crying and the vet said just love it till it died.  My mom was watching a movie while holding Peter in her lap on Mother’s Day.  She fell asleep just rubbing his back and when she woke up he was dead.

Then we decided it that we would bury him in a box that she had gotten her mother’s day gift in.  We all decided it was just the right size for his coffin.  We wrote his name on it and Amanda, my big sister, put him gently in the box.

We dug a hole outside and put the box inside and put a stick with his name on it.  We were going to hold a ceremony, which is what we usually do when an animal dies, but Amanda got a phone call while looking for a song, so we just said a little prayer and that was that.

On Memorial Day, we made a bouquet of flowers and took it out to his grave.  Can you believe it, he died on Mother’s Day and we finally got around to having the ceremony on Memorial Day!

I think when a child loses a pet, the whole family should be sad with them.  I liked it that I did not have to be sad alone.

 Melissa (a sweet granddaughter who is 8 years old)

It was one little puppy I really liked.  He was my favorite and his name was Peter.  He got a sickness where he could not see, eat or go to the bathroom.  So we took him to the vet and she said he was going to die, just like Patches, his brother had done.

We were all sad and crying and the vet said just love it till it died.  My mom was watching a movie while holding Peter in her lap on Mother’s Day.  She fell asleep just rubbing his back and when she woke up he was dead.

Then we decided it that we would bury him in a box that she had gotten her mother’s day gift in.  We all decided it was just the right size for his coffin.  We wrote his name on it and Amanda, my big sister, put him gently in the box.

We dug a hole outside and put the box inside and put a stick with his name on it.  We were going to hold a ceremony, which is what we usually do when an animal dies, but Amanda got a phone call while looking for a song, so we just said a little prayer and that was that.

On Memorial Day, we made a bouquet of flowers and took it out to his grave.  Can you believe it, he died on Mother’s Day and we finally got around to having the ceremony on Memorial Day!

I think when a child loses a pet, the whole family should be sad with them.  I liked it that I did not have to be sad alone.

Good morning from beautiful Montana:

I have been so impressed with the quality and quantity of heart felt stories that have come to my in-box lately. I had posted a request asking for short articles on helping people cope with the loss of a pet for an upcoming eBook.

You will enjoy reading them as much as I have.  If you or someone you know has a story to share about they were told, how they handled the death, how they grieved or how they healed, please share it.  We care.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.
-Anatole, France

Hello Judy,

We have not lost a pet recently but we learned last month that our 9-year-old German Shepherd has cancer.  We took her to the vet school and the oncologist said she has a large mass in her abdomen pressing on her bowel, two anal sac gland adenocarcinomas and metastasis in the chest.  She said the best we could do for her was prednisone and she might live a few weeks.

The very thought of having to euthanize her was devastating because other than difficulty having bowel movements she is still very full of life.

I guess she performed in the hospital that night. We learned that she kept escaping from her cage and removing her catheter and IV.  The next day the oncologist said they want to try to shrink the large mass through radiation. In the mean time we switched her to the Atkins diet because carbs feed cancer.

As my brother (the dog's owner) began sharing Brandi's diagnosis with friends he learned that several of his friends recently had to euthanize their pets and it was so devastating that they just did not want to talk about it.

Brandi has a myspace page www.myspace.com/brandisurfstheweband several of her friends have crossed the rainbow bridge.  Perhaps their owners may be willing to talk to you about the grieving process.

What do you think?  Would you like to share your story?  Leave a comment or send me an email.

Love and abundance to all things,

Judy H. Wright also known as Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling (and gatherer) trainer

Judy,

Some years ago, our family was going through a tough time.  Lots of financial, medical and emotional stress.  It became so overwhelming that we approached an older man from our church at that time for counsel.

We told him of how we were trying so hard to do the right things and make correct choices.  And yet it seemed, at least to us, that for every step forward, life pushed us back two steps.

I remember my proud husband holding his head in his hands and saying; "Why me?"

Dale, who had been leaning back on the hind legs of his kitchen chair, sat up straight and slammed his hand on the table.

"Why not you?" he yelled.

"What if these things would have happened to a lesser man? He  may have lost his mind, or left his family or started drinking or using drugs.. You have a good family who love and support one another.  You are strong.  You have friends you can talk to.  You have succeeded in the past and so you know it is possible to find success again. You are intelligent.  You will find solutions, just keep looking and praying."

We were dumbfounded at his anger.  We had come for sympathy and instead were being told how lucky we were!

Then he said something that has been a pivotal attitude change for us.

"Bad things happen all the time.  There is no way to avoid them and you would not wish the ones that happen to you would have happened to someone else.  Why should you be exempt from trouble?  Just be grateful for your resources and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

When trouble and hard times seem almost too much to bear, think about that tunnel in your mind.  Right now you can only see a little glimmer of light way off in the distance.  But if you keep your focus on the light and not on the darkness all around, the light will get bigger the closer you walk towards it.  Eventually the outlines of the tunnel and the path will seem brighter as the sunlight pours in.

As you draw closer to the opening, you can see that it is bright, warm and welcoming you.  What if you would have stayed at the beginning of the tunnel where it was cold, dark and scary?  Some people do.  But not you!

So when you are having problems, stress and adversity don't ask why me.  Instead ask why not me?

If you would like to increase your self confidence and that of those you love, you will enjoy an affordable and very effective eCourse by Judy H. Wright available  at http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com

Be sure and sign up for the Free newsletter–The Artichoke, finding the heart in the journey of life at www.ArtichokePress.com 

Hello from beautiful Montana:

I am in the process of writing an eBook about how the death of a pet effects people, both adults and children.  I have received some wonderful emails of sharing deep emotions and I will be posting them here as well as including them in the eBook.

Would you like to share your experiences?

Please send them (2-3 paragraphs) to Judy@ArtichokePress.com or leave a comment on this blog.

Thanks for being part of our community to build mutually loving and respectful relationships with each other and our animals.

Love, Judy H. Wright

Attitude of Gratitude-Habit Forming

© Judy H. Wright  aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer
and family coach

Thanksgiving is traditionally used as a reminder to give
thanks and count our blessings.  Why wait for Thanksgiving, how about
being grateful today for all that you have and will have.

What you don't have or what you do have?

What we think about, we bring about.  So let's concentrate on what is
going right in our lives. Do you have food, love, friends, health,
transportation, warm clothing, flowers along the path, animals who make you
smile, a shining sun, a public library full of books,  the ability to
dream and hope?

So many times we, as humans, tend to get into a habit of being
pessimistic.  Especially if you grew up in a family who described the
world and everything in it in negative terms, you will not know how to have an
attitude of gratitude. Being taught to expect the worst, or fear change and
distrust people and their intentions can become a habit.

Depressed or
depressing?

Even though I know that depression has deep causes, sometimes the negative
attitude becomes so habit forming, that it is automatic action.

Simply by focusing on what is good and positive, you can feel your heart
lighten.  Your shoulders are a little straighter and your smile a little
brighter.

If you truly want to heal a heart that has fallen into a habit of negativity,
then count your blessing.  Develop an attitude of gratitude by
looking for positive things, no matter how small, in your life.

Attitudes are contagious. 

Is yours worth catching?  Being cheerful and grateful
is just as habit forming as being gloomy and negative.

Would you like to know more about enhancing your life,
creating self confidence and building strong relationships?  Then join us weekly for free Thursday Tele
Classes by clicking on http://www.ArtichokePress.com   Judy H. Wright, parent educator, family
coach and author leads a community of like minded people who want to improve
their lives. You can also listen to the free replays listed at http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Word count:  346

Keywords: Attitude, Attitude of Gratitude, Graditude, Habit,
depressed, positive, negative, Thanksgiving, blessings, self confidence,
relationships, Judy H. Wright, Artichoke Press, family coach, teleclasses

Forgiveness is not  Forgetting

Angry, resentful, hurt, stressed and unforgiving?  These emotions are prime causes for
unhappiness and disease.  If you are
holding onto situations from the past, it is in your best interest to resolve
them or let them go.

Life regularly presents us with reasons to be unhappy, ranging
from people who assault or hurt us or our loved ones to petty disagreements
with neighbors. 

Sooner or later, depending on the extent of the injury or
our perception of the incident, we are usually able to move beyond hurtful
incidents.  But, depending on the help we
receive or how willing we are to let it go, it may take permanent residence in
our hearts and minds.

We may mentally replay situations where we felt treated
unfairly over and over again.  This
grudge or feeling on injustice that churns in our “monkey brain” or self talk,  creating stress and increased blood pressure and
heart rate.

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness means letting go of anger or resentment.  It can also be accompanied by greater empathy
or “humanizing” for the point of view of the person who has harmed us.

It does not mean denying harm or ill will from the
offender.  It also does not necessarily
mean that you allow the person back into your life or even ever speak directly
to them again.  It does not mean to deny
the incident happened or that you were hurt. 
It does mean that you have made a choice to not let it continue to hurt
you.

Forgiveness is a
skill

Like any other skill, whether it is riding a bike, playing a
piano or developing confidence, it takes practice and time.

By taking the time to examine negative thoughts and
patterns-perhaps writing them down, you can begin to see that some of distorted
and need to be reframed.  You can refocus
on what went right and that you will use the incident as a learning experience,
rather than a stumbling block in your journey of life.

Learn to examine the
old stories

If you would like additional information on how to develop
the skill of forgiveness, you are invited to go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com  for an affordable eCourse.  This eBook and extensive bonus items of self
help are offered by Judy H. Wright, a family coach and author of over 20 books.
 She is also known as Auntie Artichoke,
the storytelling trainer.

Word count 402

 Hello from beautiful Montana:

Last night's tele-class on dealing with grief and loss was very special to me. One of the participants, spoke eloquently about the loss of a beloved dog companion she had for over 14 years.

We spoke of the deep mourning you can go through when you lose a pet.  A pet is such a model of unconditional love.  He really doesn't care if you won or lost the game, whether your boss is a jerk, or if you got cut off in traffic; he just wags his tail and licks your face anyway.

I mentioned a book that I had picked up at a second hand store recently called George Anderson's "Lessons from the Light.  Extraordinary messages of Comfort and Hope from the Other Side."

As with all things, take what you believe and let the rest of it go by.  But he did have some fascinating things to say about the role of animals in the next life and the part they play in the lives of those they left behind.

What do you think about the loss of a pet?  What has been your experience?  Please share with us.  We want to be a part of your community.

Love,

Judy H. Wright

PS:  If you or someone you know is struggling with self confidence issues, please go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com   This is a new ecourse that will really help in recognizing your strengths, and avoiding self sabotage.  There are some wonderful bonus items included.  Check it out today.

PSS. Be sure to also  check out the free Thursday Tele-classes and pass the word.  They are free and on a number of subjects. Just look under Judy Wright at www.FREETeleMessages.com 

What do you say to someone who has just lost a child to death? What do you say to someone whose parent has died from a lingering illness? What do you say when a family member lost their life in a war you don’t believe in? What do you say when the death came about from murder? Or suicide? Or drug overdose?

An odd by-product of my loss is that I’m aware of being an embarrassment to everyone I meet. At work, at the club,
in the street, I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up
their minds whether they’ll say something about it’ or not. I hate it if they do, and if they don’t….”

- C.S. Lewis from A Grief Observed

It is often easier to say nothing than risk saying the wrong thing. However,
the death of a loved one is the worst thing that can happen to someone
and so to ignore the survivor, or fail to mention the loss, is to add
to the hurt.

Friends and relatives need to talk about the loss and to know that they are safe in discussing it with you. They need to be reassured that you acknowledge their feelings, concerns and actions. Once
you have accepted that a death has occurred and that the loved one
needs your support and sympathy, there are ways to help the survivor.

• Do continue support after the funeral.
• Do listen when they need to talk about the death, person or the impact on them,
• Accept where they are and don’t try to hurry them through their grief process.
• Don’t compare their tragedy to someone else’s or your own.
• Don’t expect them to counsel and comfort you.
• Never say “I know how you feel” because you don’t. Each loss is unique.
• Do provide practical support-food, money, car rides, babysitting etc.
• Do provide social support and remind them you are available to listen and help as well as go out in public.

There are lots of ways to give verbal support and sympathy. Non verbal communication is the language of relationships. If the survivor is in shock, they may not remember what you said, but will always remember what you did.. Sometimes
a pat on the arm, a hug, cleaning the house, raking the leaves, filling
the car with gas, or writing a note lets the survivor know that you
care.

These are just a few of the ways to let others know that you are aware of their sadness and acknowledge their feelings. When you offer a hand of sympathy and support, you help the survivor know they are not alone on this journey. Will it always be accepted with gratitude? No. Should you offer the hand of love and acceptance anyway? Yes. This is not about you. It is a way to honor those who have died and those who are left behind.

Standing at the bedside of a
parent or friend who is in the process of transitioning out of this
life is not an experience most people prepare for and many find
overwhelming. You can be so traumatized that you neglect the
opportunity to tell that person how you truly feel. Sharing and
listening can be a final gift to your loved one. It can also be a great
spiritual experience if you are open with statements and ministrations
of love and best wishes.

Hearing
is the last sense to go. Elicit the cooperation of others in making the
passage a sacred event, by verbally sharing happy memories and stories. Focus
the sounds of voices on making gentle conversation. There might be soft
background music but turn off the TV or radio. Do not expect a response
from the dying because their limited energy is involved in important
work.

Acknowledge the positive aspects of your loved one’s legacy. Take turns listing the gifts and lessons the dying person has given to you and to the world. This is a time to reassure them that they will not be forgotten and that his or her life had value.

Celebrate
and acknowledge the special times, talents, and teachings you have
shared. Search your memory for good times, but don’t look for the major
moments, rather the small, insignificant at the time moments, that you
remember. This is a final acknowledgment of the
gifts that the dying has given the living and neither the gift nor the
person will be forgotten. Use this time to express gratitude and
reassurance that these legacies will live on for generations.